Day 94: Five months!

Today was mine and Max's five months but I thought it was our half year and I got all excited about it and decided we simply HAD to go out tonight to the most expensive place I could think of: Hibachi Grill. Regardless, it was awesome. I have been scheming something for Max but I know the first place he's going to check is here so I can't tell you what it is. You have to wait just like he does.

Day 93: I slept until 7 at night

Holy shit. That was crazy. I only went to bed around 10 a.m though. So I bought a bikini. I'd show you a picture but I'm not sure if you deserve it. ;) It's a dark pink which is a wonderful color on Erin. I wanted to get this one that looked like peacock feathers but they only had large. Have you seen my boobs and ass? Do they look like a large to you? No, we're talking extra large material right here. I've lost enough weight though that I actually think I look hot. Which is pretty much a first in a long time.

Day 92: I am SORRY that we don't have any DAMN chocolate chip cookies.

So tonight I was all by myself in Extras. It was not fun. First thing I did once I got in there was spill a fucking latte all over the damn place. I messed up like five orders. We ran out of a gigantic list of things and that ended up being all people wanted.
We ran out of

• French Vanilla Creamers
• Sticky Buns
• Carrot Cake Cupcakes
• Cherry Cheesecake
• Newport 100s Cigarettes
• Chocolate Chip Cookies
• Macadamia Nut Cookies
• Peanut Butter Cookies dipped in chocolate
• Woopie pies
• Brownies
• Amarato Syrup for cappucinos and lattes

Yeah, it was not good at all.

Day 91: It's pretty damn cool

that we are nearing day 100. I can't believe it's been that long. I feel like I just started this blog a month ago and it's already been three. I truly do love blogging. Even if no one really reads this. I love love love love to blog, even if it's not about my life. I am not very versed on anything but my life. I don't know much about fashion, which if you saw what I wear everyday of my life, you'd know that. I don't know anything about makeup. I'm only really versed in love, writing and music. :)

Day 90: Tornados in Pennsylvania

So we almost died last night. Just kidding. Seriously though, last night was frightening, there was a tornado watch and it hailed and lighteninged and there were blunt force trauma enducing winds. We had five people and a dog camp out in our basement from across the street. I was that crazy, hyper asshole who watch it all from the window fully knowing that if the winds got high enough, it could break the glass into my face and possibly kill me. It was scary though.

Day 89: Throwing Angry Asians Out of Casinos and Other Fun Stories.

We have these things called discrectionary comp. It's basically a coupon. It says how much money you get and it can be anywhere between 10 and 40 dollars. People can use them at any of the food outlets and the gift shops. They usually use them at the food outlets. You have to give me your players card in order for me to use them. Well, apparently this Asian guy didn't like the fact that he needed to do that and starts swearing at me and some other language and throws his card at me. Then proceeds to have me drag out forty dollars worth of food just to not be able to pay for it because they gave me the wrong freaking card. Well, I left it as an open check and closed my register to go on break and low and behold they came back while I was on break. And Beth couldn't open my register to get to the check so they got mad at her, so she called security. And they threw them out. We gave them their food first.

Day 88: Neighborhood Yard Sale

Every memorial day weekend our neighborhood has a yard sale due to the fact that a whole bunch of people come and camp across the street. I'd really like for people to show up to ours because I need the money. I'm selling clothes, shoes, games, toys, books, purses, etc.

Day 87: Back to work tomorrow.

I had my two days off this week and I go back to work tomorrow at 9:30 at night until six a.m. Joy of joys, but hey, my paycheck will be pretty sweet. I don't really have much else to report. I watched Jackass with my Fiancee tonight. We basically just sat around and chilled all night because he has to work both jobs tomorrow and thursday. I have to work both of those days too. Same shift. I have friday off to go to the movies with Tracy and Jamie. <3 Tracy and I ALWAYS go and see the Pirates movies in theater with each other. It's basically a tradition.

Day 86: The Engagement Blog

Is officially here. So if you ever have that urge to ask me how my wedding planning is going, go check my blog instead of wasting valuable oxygen to ask me. I have no interest in answering any questions about my wedding any longer. So consider that blog a FAQ about Erin and Max's wedding and also, a way for your life to not end abruptly because I've had it with CERTAIN People (read: person) who won't leave me the hell alone about my wedding. I believe this person has a feeling they know who they are, but in case they don't, or in case you have some retarded fear that it might be you even though you only asked me about my wedding once, just go on that blog. This eliminates any emotional or physical abuse I may cause you if you ask me about my wedding.

the url is http://www.somethinglame1823.blogspot.com/

Read it. Love it. Follow it.

Or don't. I don't really care either way.

But if you aren't going to follow it, don't ask me any fucking questions about my wedding.

Day 85: A Maxwell Blog

So pretty much any story that my fiancee tells me ends in someone calling him an asshole. And I can assure you that I have called him an asshole probably about forty million times in the last three days. So he told me one of these stories again and I suggested that he should get his name legally changed to "Asshole Christman" so then when we get married I get to be Mrs. Asshole Christman.

Day 84: What an Uneventful Rapture

So apparently today was supposed to be the rapture. It was thoroughly displeasing to me. I was hoping I could call off work due to zombies eating my brains or a flying Christian hazard. Unfortunately though I still had to drag my lazy fat ass to work and deal with less than content people. As per usual, the customers weren't the ones who irritated me. Other workers. Not anyone who is a counter attendant, like me. It's the people that I don't necessarily work alongside. I.E cooks and janitors. I won't mention names but if any of my coworkers read my blog. I love. Love. LOVE. LOVE. Kolt. Roger. Josh. Manzer. and Deb. It was none of those people.

A few of the quotes from the night:
Erin: What's his name?
Brad: Roger?
Erin: Seriously?? That's his name?
Roger: Yes. What did you think my name was?
Erin: Seriously? I call all of the cooks Kolt. Even when Kolt isn't here. I scream "Kolt! Kolt! Kolt!" Until someone comes.

Customer: Can I get-
Erin: No.

(for the record, I was joking, he had a laugh and I did serve him.)

Day 83: You guys are so ridiculously good at giving opinions.

Thank you for all your valuable input on my last blog. Haha ANYWAY, I can't start any of my new blogs until monday, if even then. I start full time at the casino this coming week. I will leave you at that because I really have nothing to report.

Day 82: I'll have you know, I fully intend to rip your clothes off you and do horrible things to your body

Now that I have your attention, I would like to announce my interest in starting a few more Every Day blogs. I know what you're thinking, "ONLY A FEW?!?!?! WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A MILLION?!!??!" Well, I am only one person. A damn amazing person that you all worship, but only one person at that. I want to do one blog about my wedding and my engagement to Max. I get asked at least three times a day how my wedding is going or how Max and myself are, so I'd like to everyday document our relationship. It will be disgustingly romantic, like you'll get diabetes, vomit a bouquet of flowers and shit kittens romantic.

The other, I'm not really sure where I'm gonna go with it. I kind of want it to be a surprise too. I love to torture you. I'm a sadist, what can I say? WRITHE! WRITHE MY PRETTIES.

......
I swear. I don't do drugs.

There may or may not be a fourth. I probably won't advertise the fuck out of them like I did with this one because I just don't care who follows them. I enjoy blogging. If I had the ability to make a profit from it, I would be a professional blogger. For shit, son. But no one would hire me. I swear too much. And I'm sooo provocative.

SEX SELLS, bitches.

If you would like to give me your opinion, I will pretend that I actually care what you have to say. No, seriously, give me your opinions.

Day 81: Holy shit. Life is here.

So I have finally gotten back to my wedding plans. It has taken awhile because I have had so many other things to be worried about than a wedding that was seemingly never happening. Now that I make more money and so does Max, this is a little more forseeable, I decided I should probably try a little harder with making plans. I didn't realize how much shit there is to plan. hahaha. There's a lot. Weddings are huge.

Day 80: I wonder if he realizes.

So I was talking to my friend Ricecake about how I'm going to tell my kids about how I met Max. So I wonder if he knows that I spent like three hours the night before tearing apart my closet, throwing shit everywhere, getting mad because I don't have any purple shoes. I couldn't figure out the proper amount of makeup, I didn't know what the fuck I wanted to do with my hair. I called like three people to tell me what the fuck I should wear. I picked a shirt that made sure it showed off my titties. Attempting to appeal to his penis.

I wonder if he noticed I was shaking when I spoke to him. I wonder if he knew I was about to piss myself. I wonder if he noticed that I laughed alot. Annoyingly. Because I was nervous.

I wonder if he knew how hot I thought he was.

I remember our first date. I tried so goddamn hard to get him to hold my fucking hand. Asshole knew what I wanted too and purposely didn't let me have his hand.

I wonder if he truly knows how much I love him. I don't think he can fathom the amount of love I have for him. It's kind of like a FUCK ton times like infinity plus one more fuckton plus a shit ton plus three gummy bears. That's how much it is.

Ew. I was all gross and romantic in this blog. I promise I'll be back to my usual pissed at the world self by next post.

Day 79: A good night.

Tonight I went out to eat with Sir Maxwell. We also went to see Bridesmaids, which I usually suck at picking movies but tonight, I did good. It was like the Hangover, only with women. So funny. It also reminded me of a situation that I was recently in. And I also bought a new pretty shirt from Maurices which is pretty much the best store in the entire world. YAY

Day 78: Can I get something to eat? "Sir, we're closed." I JUST WANT A BURGER.

So we close at eleven and it never fails that there's some asshole who wants food at 11:10 just because other people are in the restaurant eating food that they ORDERED BEFORE ELEVEN. It pisses me off. Alot. And they always get super upset when we tell them no. I wish I could just slap everyone who tries to get food after we close.

Day 77: LADY IT'S A DAMN TOMATO, Calm the FUCK down.

Today at work, I was made to cry by a woman who was pissed because her fucking haddock sandwhich didn't have a goddamn tomato on it. Which I did not type in that she didn't want a tomato so this was the cook's fault, not mine. She came up and started yelling at me and continued to go to swear at me about her damn tomatos and then proceeded to scream that she wanted some tomatos and she wanted them now. I was afraid this woman was about to bust a cap in my ass over a fucking tomato, so I ran back to the cook, BAWLING, begging them to give me a fucking tomato to give to this bitch. Looking back on it, it seems comical, but at the time, I was about to piss myself.

Seriously though? Who gets that damn mad about a tomato? I have been called stupid, retarded, asked if I had a mental disability, been called a bitch and all that fun stuff at work, but no one has been that goddamn upset about a tomato.

Day 76: A moment that needs to be shared.

So my bestttttttttttttttttiiiiieeeee, Tamara and I were talking about weddings and how at hers she did her vows herself. Because in good ol' PA, we have this thing where you can go out and buy your own license and wed yourselves! So in this conversation we discussed how it's completely legit, you have marriage certificates and everything and it's pretty much awesome, you can say whatever you want. Which led to this conversation:
Erin:

"So my vows can be like:
We gather here today to join two assholes in marriage.
Anybody got any fucking objections? If you do, GET THE FUCK OUT.
Maxwell Robert Christman, will you take this bitch in marriage? Even when she's on the rag and she's being extra bitchy? And after she gets fat and old?
I do.
Erin Colleen Howie, will you take this douche bag in marriage? And will you love him even when he's too lazy to take the trash out? And after he gets fat and old and starts shooting blanks?
I do.
Alright, you doucheholes are married, you may now fuck the bride. "

Tamara:

So afterwards you can state "Now that we have that done! Let the orgy commence!"

Erin:

Haha yes, My reception will be a giant orgy. hahaha. Everybody must have sex with the bride before they leave ;) And we'll renew our vows every month. Everyone needs a once a month orgy.

Tamara:
Too bad we can't put the videos on facebook. Damn terms and conditions.

Erin:

DAMN IT. We'll make a porn site. We'll call it ErinandMaxsrenewedvows.com. UPDATES MONTHLY

Tamara:

HAHAHAHAHAHA xD That. Is. So. Awesome. People would think it is so innocent. Until they click it. They cannot unsee.

Erin:
Wife:

Honey! Come and look at this site! This couple renews their vows monthly how sweet!

*clicks*
OH MY GOD! WHY ARE THEY TAKING OFF THEIR CLOTHING! WHAT?!?! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT BRIDESMAID STICKING IN THE BRIDE??!?!?!!?!

Husband:*drooling*

Tamara:

*laughs hard* That is just too funny.

Wife: Why is there a puddle beside m- HONEY! *smacks head with keyboard*

Husband: *drolls more* Hurr hurr hurr... boobies.

Day 75: So blogger was down

And it was super queer. Blogger was having a toddler-esque temper tantrum. Trust me, I'm best friends with a toddler, I know my shit. Somebody needed to give it a damn spanking. Other than that. I have nothing to report. Got a problem with short posts? I'll give you a damn spanking.

Day 74: Water Your Parents.

I realize that I haven't been typing very long blogs as of lately so I'm going to attempt to give this one a little substance. So me and Max (bad english, I know. Fuck you) found this car that I super like but I'd have to take a loan out on in order to be able to buy it and because I'm a first time ANYTHING and have no line of credit at all, they'll more than likely ask me to cosign. And guess who's parents refuse to do that? yup. mine. And guess who doesn't have good enough credit to cosign? Yep, Max. I would tell you what kind of car it is. But once again, I don't trust people enough. I'm afraid if I put it up here, someone will go and get to it before I can. And I want that damn car.

Other than that, the only real news I have is my publication. I realize I touched this a little yesterday but I didn't give you the gist of how the party went. It was basicallly awesome. There was food. Everyone read their poems or explained their artwork. We all signed each other's books. It was pretty epic. It's a cool feeling to say that I have actually been published in a book. One that you can go up to any Hacc library and ask for and I will be in it. Tamara was my sexy date because Max didn't get off of work for it.


Also, it is 43 days until Max and I go to Myrtle Beach. I'm pretty pumped about it too. I have never really gotten alone time with him and now we will have four days of it. You can all assume what that means. ;) No but seriously, Myrtle Beach is probably my favorite place in the entire world. I went down for senior week last year. But I went with my parents. So I didn't get to get drunk, smoke weed, come in contact with various STDs or come home pregnant from a sexual experience I can't remember happening. Damn. I was so excited for all of those things to happen.

It should be pretty amazing though. Other than that.... I have nothing to report. But hey, atleast this was longer than like the last five things I posted.

Until next time, eat some spinnach, hug a stranger for an awkward amount of time, and don't forget to water your parents.

I LESS THAN THREE YOU.

Day 73: Published. Finally.

Everyone knows that all amazing authors start out in a literary journal. Well guess who's in a literary journal? ME. Hell yeah. I'm damn proud of myself. I even got asked for my autograph today. I almost pissed myself. It was awesome. :)

Day 72: I got my caprisun on and I'm about to tackle Venezuela.

I have a project due tomorrow in Spanish class which I have yet to start but I got like twenty caprisuns and the class ain't until 2 tomorrow. Trust me, I've pulled shit out of my ass in alot less time and still gotten a hundred percent. FIRST, I must watch the final My Little Pony Episode of the season. :''''''(

Day 71: Closing by myself and overflowing trash cans.

Totally uncool.

Day 70: Stress.

Don't tell me that I shouldn't stress because I'm young. I will punch you in the face. Obviously you haven't worked at a casino, had final exams and not had the ability to make a powerpoint for your spanish class which you need to do, or had any other kind of problem on top of that.

Day 69!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy! Today is day 69! So it's time for inappropriateness.
Let's see how many romantic movies I can ruin just by changing one word OR adding a phrase in the title. GO!

Sleepless in My Pants
While You Were Pooping
P.S I Farted On You
A Poop to Remember
The Fuckbook
Pissing Hill
Runaway Slut
Slutty Woman
How to Shit On A Guy in Ten Days
You've Got Piss
A Shit with a View
A Lot like Shit
The Wedding Pisser
Shit Actually
The Perfect Dildo
When a Man Loves a Man who Loves Another Man who was born in the 1950's (Five points to anyone who knows what this joke is about)
Fifty First Shits
Sweet Home Alabanga
When Harry Met a Prostitute
Save the Last STD
Falling in Shit
Never Been Screwed
City of Assholes

Can you crack each original?

Day 68: If you're only going to bitch about it, then GTFO

So, people who obviously don't realize that I am eighteen, and I am attempting to gain enough money to move out of my damn parents house and into an appartment with my fiancee so we can start our damn lives together and finally have some freaking privacy and some moments where we are TRULY alone, have been bitching and moaning that I don't talk to them or that I don't give them as much attention as I used to.

It isn't that I'm intentionally ignoring anyone. It isn't that I suddenly hate you. It isn't that you did something to me. The reason behind my drop off the planet?

I WORK AND GO TO COLLEGE. It's something HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES DO. Especially high school graduates who are engaged and attempting to leave the nest. I am sick of living in my parents house. I need to get out. WHICH IF YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING KNEW ME, you'd understand why because you'd know all the shit I have to put up with in order to live at my parents house.

I'm sorry if you feel like you need to be NUMERO UNO priority in my book, it isn't going to happen. My education and my ATTEMPTS to start building a family with my fiancee HAVE to come first. There is no choice in the matters. I still fucking care about you. I still fucking love all of my friends. I'm just not flexible anymore. I work until one a.m IF I'M LUCKY. Some nights I don't get home until four a.m. I get home, I go the fuck to sleep, I wake up and immediately go back to work. Exactly where in that time frame do you expect me to get on the internet and facebook you? I might have THIRTY MINUTES a day to text people.

And I'm sick of that bullshit. The cell phone works both ways. If you want to talk to me, fucking text me. I don't text anyone besides Max and people that I need to give me a ride somewhere. I never iniate conversation anymore because I'm too busy worrying if I have all of my shit for work, or school, or if I have my schedule right. If you shoot me a text in that time frame, I WILL ANSWER YOU AND CONVERSE WITH YOU. Unless you text me at eight in the morning. In that case I will answer you with a STFU and NEVER TEXT ME BEFORE 12 noon. Because I am sleeping until 12 noon. BECAUSE ON TOP OF A CRAZY HOUR WORK SCHEDULE, I AM INSOMNIAC.

But you don't want to realize that, GOD NO, ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING NEEDS. It doesn't matter that my brain WILL NOT LET ME RELAX enough to go to sleep without FOUR HOURS OF EFFORTS PRIOR. Nope, you don't give a shit about that. It's all you you you you you fucking you.

And have you ever considered that I'm STRESSED AS FUCK??? COLLEGE FINALS ARE COMING UP. I am working too much to study. I haven't even started on any of my projects. But nope, I'm not giving YOU enough attention, who gives a fuck about me?

>:(

Day 67: Be nice to people even if they are losers.

I have a persuasive speech to give tomorrow and I am doing it on being nice to people. I know this is kind of a controversy because I hate everyone and I'm basically the worst person you could ever meet. BUT, Regardless, you shouldn't be mean to people. Instead you should hug everyone for awkward amounts of time and hold hands. And love each other. Like take me, for example, this one girl I know, Hannah, she's a total loser. Like, if you look up "loser" in the dictionary you will find her picture. And I'm nice to her. I even act like I like her. When in fact thinking about her face makes me want to punt a kitten and set a cupcake on fire. If I can do it, you can to.

(SPOILER ALERT: Hannah and I love each other. This is a joke)

Day 66: took my bra off and am about to play some pokemon. It's gonna be a good night.

As the title says. Can you believe that blogger is now offering you to turn your blog into a hardcover book? How ridiculous is that. No one wants to read a billion pages about my boring life. Trust me, even I don't enjoy writing about my life. There is nothing interesting to say here. hahaha.

Day 65: IT'S MY WEEKEND

I work thursday through monday at the casino so I am finally on my weekend which is pretty nice. I have a ginormous headache. It was a long night tonight because I had a total of 100 customers for an EIGHT HOUR SHIFT. Easily the worst night of my life on top of being told that everything I do and the way I do it is wrong but hey, it's my weekend. I can sleep the hell in tomorrow.

Day 64: I live here.

The days are starting to blend together at work. Haha I don't even know what day is which. It's even crazier when I'm leaving work and they already got the next days schedule up because it's midnight. By the way, they killed Obama, but I'm sure this is like the three hundredth time you've heard that.