Day 143: Just because you heard it from the grapevine..

doesn't make it true. And just because you know I heard it from the grapevine doesn't mean I believed it. I make it a point not to believe anything unless it comes from the person who says it's mouth. I hate when people try to twist things and you can't tell anyone anything without it somehow getting out. I'm learning not to trust people even more and more. So for the record, let's get some shit straight:
First of fucking all:
I am NOT in any kind of stupid friends with benefits relationship with anyone. I have not had sex with anyone since the break up. I have been on one date and it's none of anyone's business who it was. And I'm not even sure it was a date. It was kind of just going to see a movie with a friend who happened to have a penis. I'm not exactly looking for a relationship right now. I just got out of a relationship with someone that I thought I was going to marry me. I don't know how many of you have been in similar situations but it's not exactly something you get out of scar free and are like "WHOO HOO, WHERE THE BITCHES AT?" No, it hurts. Kind of alot. And you aren't ready to give your heart to someone else. You want to know why? You aren't finished picking up the pieces of it that the previous person shattered on the floor.

I have signed up to an online dating site. I don't give out my name. It's free too. I think it will give me the opportunity to meet someone that I may have never noticed before. I typically don't talk to guys I think are cute. I get nervous. And blabber. Alot. Online or texting, it's like I'm a different person. The walls come down and I'm like "heyyyyyyy you're cuteeee" and I can talk to a guy that I otherwise would probably only have the ability to drool on myself in front of if we had met in the streets. But if I text a guy a lot or talk to him alot online, when we meet in person, I'm okay. It's a thing. I don't know how to explain it.

Again. I'm not looking for an immediate relationship. I'm not even sure I'm going to let the next person in easy. They're going to have to do alot to win me over this time. I've been hurt too much by too many guys and I'm about to be like "fuck this, I'm becoming a lesbian and adopting children". So if we all want to keep Erin interested in the penis, we're all going to support her decisions. AND NO ONE CAN PRESSURE ME, in anyway, to leave the house to go on dates with guys, etc. I WILL get out on my own. I can't be pressured to do things. It makes everything worse. If you pressure me, I won't do the things you're attempting to pressure me into. It's better if you just leave me alone.

And if I trust you enough, in time, I'll tell you about who I've met/meeting/went on a date with. I just...am sick of things getting twisted.

And finally just because I say a guy is cute does not mean I want to hop in his pants and rape the fuck out of him. It just means I think he's cute. If you think he's cute and have feelings for him, whereas I only think he's cute, then tell me, I'll back off. It's not like I was on in the first place. I just said he was cute. YEESH.

The End.