Day 411: Shit Yourself Car Rides with Erin and Tamara (Featuring Special Guest: Tracy)

(Talking about "You're Beautiful")
Erin: The music video for that was so weird. He like... slowly strips and then jumps into a freezing cold ocean.
Tamara: Well, I guess that means that the girl made him so hot that he couldn't control his raging boner. Cory said he was thinking of this song when he first saw me.
Erin: So he couldn't control his raging boner. He saw you and then he starts punching himself in the dick screaming "GO DOWN. GOD. GO DOWN. WE'RE IN PUBLIC DAMNIT"
Tracy: He'd get a leash for it. Tie it to his leg.
Erin: WE NEED TO PATENT THAT. He gets fired later because someone catches him in the aisle mercilessly humping a box of cereal.

Erin: I'm going to put up a chart on the refrigerator and write each of my children's names on it and tally up how many years of therapy I'm going to have to invest in.

Erin: I'm going to give my child their sexual education by having sex in front of them. THIS IS HOW BABIES ARE MADE JIMMY.
Tracy: and then later in therapy your kid is going to be like "And and mommy was screaming for god. AND DADDY KEPT PUTTING HIS WEINER IN HER!"

Erin: I'm going to beat my kids for looking suspicious.
Tracy: WHACK! THAT WAS FOR WHAT YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT DOING.
Erin: *mimes writing* One more year of therapy.


Erin: Did you get new fish?
Tracy: Yea, those two black ones are new, that spotted one is new, that ugly fucker is new.
Erin: You have nigger fish!
Tracy: Yes, we have two nigger fishes.

Erin: I was recording my voicemail message yesterday and I kept tripping up on my words and I was getting ginger rage frustrated and the one I was like "Hey it's Erin, message to leave at the....." and then I took a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could manage "FUCK". Imagine if I would've kept that and my boss called. She'd be like "don't come back... ever. In fact, I'm getting a restraining order."

Day 410: One Hundred Book Challenge: Book Thirty Three

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

My neighbor lent me this book telling me it was like the only book that held her attention. It was freaking huge and I love big books. This book was alright, I guess. If you like INTENSELY CHRISTIAN BOOKS. I think if you've been reading my blog so far, you can pretty much tell that I'm not Christian at all. I'm agnostic. I believe there's some shit out there that put us here but that's the end of it. Anyway, this book is about a prostitute turned christian. And God talks to them the whole time through it. It was so weird. I won't be purchasing a copy. Let's leave it at that. 

Day 409: One Hundred Book Challenge: Book Thirty Two

Drink, Play F*#% by Andrew Gottlieb

I can review this book in four sentences:

I hated it.

It wasn’t funny.

It was a waste of money.

Don’t buy it. 

Day 408: One Hundred Book Challenge: Book Thirty One

The Sunflower by Richard Paul Evans

This book is about a woman whose fiancée dumps her a week before her wedding. Her best friend convinces her to go on a mission trip to Peru, where they help out an orphanage that rescues children from the streets and gives them a roof over their head, food to eat and clothes to wear. When they go down there, the woman falls in love with the man that runs the orphanage. It was very moving reading about the harsh realities of third world countries. I actually wrote a book called “Beyond Salvation” where this orphanage/group home/farm rescued children from other countries as well as their own from child labor, prostitution, abusive homes, etc. It reminded me of that. I actually did many of my reports on child exploitation around the world and I wish there were more ways we could help. It’s so wrong.

Anyway, if you’re okay with crying your eyes out, this book is for you. It’s actually a true story. Mr. Evans actually interviewed the main male character about it. I loved the story and would suggest it to anyone. 

Day 407: One Hundred Book Challenge: Book Thirty

Perfect by Ellen Hopkins

I was really really into Ellen Hopkins at one point. I was even semi close with her. We talked about our books and our lives on more than one occasion. I’m not lying; I can’t make this shit up. It has been quite some time since I had last read a book by her. Her books are uniquely characterized by being written entirely in poetry and by almost never having happy endings. Ellen once explained to me her reasoning for the way she ended her stories by telling me that real life doesn’t always have a happy ending. I was awed by that answer. Her stories are also about extremely intense topics; drug abuse, suicide, teen pregnancy, and child abuse being among those topics.

Perfect is more or less the sequel to Impulse. Impulse was a book written about three teens that had attempted suicide and had been forced into a mental institution when their attempts failed. All of these teens attempted suicide over lost love, unreciprocated love or love that was never found and in the end; one of the teens succeeds in his second suicide attempt while the other two find love and salvation in one another.

Perfect is a book about the people who were in love with the teens in the first book and more or less caused them to attempt suicide.

When I started reading it, I noticed that I didn’t really enjoy it and I felt like reading the book was more of a task than a leisurely enjoyment practice. I guess I’m just not really into her books as much as I used to be, I’ve out grown them a little. This doesn’t mean this was a bad book; I just didn’t really enjoy reading it. If you’ve read Impulse, then you are going to want to read Perfect. It really gave you an insight to the other side of the stories. 

Day 406: One Hundred book Challenge: Book Twenty Nine

The Gift by Richard Paul Evans

(WHAT?! WHAT?! THAT PICTURE WAS THE SIZE OF MY FINGERNAIL WHEN I FOUND THIS  PICTURE. AND NOW IT'S HUGE? WHAT INTERNET??!?! WHAT?!??! WHAT?!?!?!?!!!??!?!!??!)

I feel better now

I haven’t read any books of his for a while because I’ve been a little weary since the books I read before his “Walk” series were god awful and I began to hate the author. This book redeemed him once again and I think I may have been a little overly judgmental because of two bad books.

This book is a romance but that’s just a side line to the real story. There is a little boy in this book that has cancer and a heart problem, but he has the power to heal people. Only every time he heals someone, it makes him sicker but he wants to heal people anyway. It’s really quite touching and I won’t give away the ending but I cried multiple times during the reading of this book. If you like a tear jerker, I’d suggest it to you.