Day 414: One Hundred Book Challenge: Book Thirty Five

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Let me address this right away to all the assholes who have repeatedly mentioned how close to the end of the year it is. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m like sincerely far behind. Shut up. I don’t need your shit. This would be easy for you to do, you say? OH REALLY? So you must live at home in your mommy’s basement and never work and she pays for all your food and the electric and the trash and the cell phone bill and the internet and for all the clothes on your back? I pull almost full time hours at my part time job and I have an extremely long list of medical conditions that require me to be constantly seeing doctors and making damn appointments for all of my days off. I have an ENORMOUS LIST OF BILLS I’M PAYING. I have to constantly make trips to the grocery store because I pay for that shit. I’m attempting to plan my wedding for the SECOND fucking time and it ROYALLY PISSED ME OFF THE FIRST TIME THROUGH. I have an aunt with cancer with a twelve percent chance of living. My uncle has Alzheimer’s so badly that he doesn’t even know who I am. He doesn’t know who my father is and he RAISED my father.  He thinks his wife that he’s been married to for 51 years is his girlfriend. My great grandmother passed away and the only thing I had left from her, my mother sold without me knowing. I couldn’t go to the funeral; I couldn’t go to the funeral because I had to work. I had to work. I always have to work. Do you know how many important events I have missed because I have to pay my bills?  I’m currently fighting a depression, but instead of being sad, I’m just mad. All. The. Damn. Time. ALWAYS ANGRY. I’M ALWAYS MAD. I realized that nothing about becoming an adult was going to be easy, but here is the kicker, they never tell you just how hard life is. OH. And in case you forgot. I’M TRYING TO WRITE A FUCKING BOOK. So, would you like to kindly fuck off? Thanks.

Now that we got that out of the way, let me actually write a review for this book. That was what you came here for right? If you only came here for the meltdown, it’s over.  Glad my haphazard life could provide you some entertainment. Maybe you feel a little bit better about your own life. Good. Great. Fanfuckingtastic, but I’m seriously DONE now with bitching. Done. I’m finished. Right. Now.

I saw the movie first. Please refrain from shitting your pants. Jeans are thirty dollars a pair, you can’t afford to ruin a pair. TRUST ME. I haven’t owned a pair since I jumped another size. Which was like an entire year ago, so I have not had any jeans for an entire year. Yep. I saw the movie first. I borrowed this book from my friend because she told me I had to read the book.

I’m going to be brutally honest with you. There is not a whole lot different in the book than there is in the movie. They pretty much stuck to it almost word for word. There were very few variations. The book was amazing. I cried just like I did with the movie but I won’t be buying a copy of the book. YES I AM DISCOURAGING YOU FROM BUYING A BOOK BECAUSE THE MOVIE IS CHEAPER. Sue me.

Don’t actually sue me; I’m not worth a damn thing. I have literal CHANGE to my name. That’s it.  If you’re hurting THAT badly that fifty cents is going to change your life, you may actually be worse off than I am. That’s saying something. Seriously. I haven’t even paid my rent yet for last month. I wish I was kidding. Dear god, I wish I was kidding.

Pardon me while I go cry for the next ten hours straight.