Day 217: I have the weirdest boyfriend

So my boyfriend is so weird. He actually finds me most attractive in HIS hoodie that is three sizes to big for me and sweatpants than he does in a dress. He doesn't like make up. Or glitter. (by the way, I will never wear glitter on my face around Dorian ever again. He was trying to pull it off my face.) He thinks I'm gorgeous without. I don't understand him at all.

There, you be the judge. Make upless and in Ben's hoodie. Prettier than me in a dress?



Day 216: I CLEANED TODAY

I have no right to be excited about this since it means that I had to go through my shit and figure out what I was getting rid of. :( I am attempting to cut all of my stuff in half. EXCEPT SEXY PANTIES. A GIRL CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF THOSE.

I did get my drawers cleaned off. Which had like three million pounds of bullshit on it that I just kept piling and piling and piling. And my mother would never shut the hell up about it, so I cleaned it off today AND DID LAUNDRY. YAY ME.

Day 215: It's my friday which means it's BENJAMIN TIME

I really had no idea how much I missed him until I got in the car with him and he didn't quit talking the whole way back to the house. And then called me immediately after leaving to finish what he was talking to me about. He's so fucking cute. And, Dorian smacked me in his sleep. He's just like his father. Ben is amazing. I miss the hell out of him when we're apart.

Day 214: Awkward

I am now watching the season finale of the best show ever, awkward! I love it, but I really wish Jenna would just get over Matty and be with Jake. I hate when people in a show remind me of myself.

Anyhow, I had a terrible night at work. I might be losing my job because of really stupid things. Things that make it impossible for me to do anything. I don't know what the hell I am going to do. I need to move out. I need to have money to buy things. I need to have money to pay rent. I have to have money. There is nothing I can do to fight this. I have never felt more helpless in my life.

Day 213: AN UNLUCKY NUMBER

I used to have a super fear of the number thirteen. So much so that if I saw I had thirteen messages or phone calls from you I would immediately delete them all or I would call you, hang up on you and then call you again. It was some kind of ridiculousness. I have since gotten over such crazy fears. Now, I simply have raging OCD>

Day 212: Back to work tomorrow

Spent the day at home, which kind of sucked since I've spent the majority of my birthday vacation with Ben. I missed him.

Day 211: You save me

Spent the day with Boo, Dorian free. It was nice having some alone time with him, even if Dorian is freaking adorable. Just in case you didn't believe me, I've included a picture for your viewing enjoyment. Tomorrow I am going out to eat with Kate. :)

Day 210: Birthday Girl

So today was my 19th birthday. It started out with my boyfriend leaving early this morning and only remembering to say happy birthday through a text message. I then spent the rest of my morning attempting to go back to sleep but was unsuccessful. Then, the wonderful boyfriend made breakfast and fled again. I decided to do laundry. Because I'm a good girlfriend and wanted my boo to come home to a nice house. So I take Dorian to the laundromat, where he fell in love with a four year old by the name of Paige. It was quite cute the love affair they had. After I get all the laundry done? It downpours. And I walked to the laundromat. Fuck. My. Life. So, I practically sprinted back to the apartment. I threw Dorian in the tub because I had clean clothes to put on his clean body. After that, I washed dishes. I folded clothes. Made Pizza. And watched the worst show to ever be made Sid the Science Kid. You don't have to tell me how talented I am. I know, son, I know.  Then, Ben came home and he made me dinner. It was wonderful. ANDDDDD he brought me a cake home. :)
My mother also bought me a cake.
And Tamara made me a cake.
I'm going to get so damn fat.

Tamara also gave me a lovely golden bracelet which I will not be taking off because it's a pain in the ass to get on. I'm only taking it off tonight because I have decided that I want it on my left arm not my right.

I got a ton of birthday wishes. It was very sweet of everyone and very much appreciated. :)

Day 209: ONE MORE DAMN DAY

And I'll be an old fart!

Day 208: A day with Dorian.

I have been with Dorian for the past seven hours. You have no idea how happy I was when he fell asleep. He only slept for the past two minutes though. I did it by myself because Ben needed to work today and didn't want to keep him on the bus for seven hours. Which is why I watched him. And almost two year olds have a SHITLOAD OF ENERGY

Day 207: I'll be 19 in 3 days!

It's nothing spectacular. It'll just be weird telling people that I'm 19 instead of 18. When I turn twenty that's when shit's going to get real. Then I'm no longer considered a teenager.

Day 206: Shit yourself car rides with Tamara and Erin Issue 2

Erin: "The cop would be so confused. We would pass every test. We would come up completely sober, no drugs would be found in the car and we'd be able to walk a straight line. I could just see them pulling us over though. He'd look in the window at us giggling like maniacs and he'd be like 'Excuse me, but what the FUCK is so goddamn funny'"

Tamara: And I'd say "your face".

Erin: I'm pretty sure I could throw him down a flight of stairs and he'd LAUGH.

Tamara: Owen wouldn't go to sleep.
Erin: Throw him against a wall.

(pardon me while I piss all over myself, that was even funnier the second time than the first. FOR THE RECORD I DO NOT PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE AT ALL. IT WAS GODDAMN JOKE CALM THE FUCK DOWN)

Erin: I blocked her. Ever since you told me that she tried to tell Cory you and I were going to run off and become lesbian lovers.
Tamara: *touches my knee*
Erin: OH NOW YOU'RE REALLY A LESBIAN! I'm going to tell Cory's mom you touched my kneecap sexually.
Tamara: Make sure you tell her I didn't use protection!
Erin: OH SHIT. I think I might be pregnant.

Tamara: Cory had the tv on and I couldn't sleep.
Erin: Why didn't you just beat the shit out of him until he turned it off?
Tamara: Because then I would have been on an adrenaline rush.
Erin: Then beat him up again.

(I do promote husband abuse. THEY NEED A TWICE WEEKLY BEATING. It's only healthy.)

Day 205: Working until six a.m in the morning is NOT A FUN TIME

Ugh, work took forever to end today. Not only that but there was also so many new things they changed and what not. It was crazy. And it made me crazy. We no longer have little cookies we just have big honkin' ones that no one can tell macadamia nut from chocolate chip cookie. We also have a new pumpkin woopie pie and a new pumpkin brownie as a "seasonal" item. And also as a seasonal item we have this stupid fucking chocolate dipped marshmallow. ITS STUPID. No one buys the stupid thing. BECAUSE WE CHARGE THREE GODDAMN DOLLARS FOR IT!! We also changed the way everything is in the cold case which I see no point for. At all. Because now lazy fat people who don't want to take two steps back think we don't have lemon bars or tandycakes because we have them on the bottom shelves now. Everything is just so damn stupid. SO DAMN STUPID.

Day 203: Hinkelfest with the Boo!!!

So today before work I took my new boo and his son to the Hinkelfest. If you've never heard of a Hinkelfest and are wondering what the hell I'm smoking and where you can get some, "hinkel" means chicken in some stupid language. And I live pretty much right next to a chicken factory. Every year right across the street from my house, they hold the Hinkelfest where we celebrate chicken and all it's glories. It's basically a carnival, they have rides and games and music. Dorian had a blast spending all our money and playing games, of course. Ben loved the wide variety of food. Much fun was had all around.

Day 202: Socks.

Can someone explain to me how they always seem to get lost. I spend twenty dollars every two weeks on new socks because I keep losing the matches to all of them and I just have a pile of unmatched socks in my drawer. This is the reason that I am constantly wearing mismatched socks, I can never find the other one. I swear a little monster lives in my dryer and eats all of my socks. But only ONE of each pair. My goal is to find that monster and give it the heimlich until it vomits up all of my socks. >:(

Day 201: The letter

I finally got my phone to send the pictures of the letter I wrote to my supervisors about how I refuse to work with a certain person anyone. Realize, this was a Monday night, so it was very very slow, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I tried to keep it as proffesional as possible because I'm sure "I don't fucking want to work with that fucking bitch ever again or I'm going to fucking shit on everything" wouldn't have gotten me very far.

Day 200: Damn, have I really been typing that many days?

I seriously feel like I just started typing a month ago and I'm already almost done with a full year. What do I do when it's over? Do I keep typing? Do I stop? Do I change the name of the blog? I'm not really sure. I have another 165 days before I have to decide that. I'm just so suprised that's it's gone by this quick.

Day 199: He needs to put shoes on. He's going to get a disease.

So today. I slept. all fucking day. Why? Because some bitch called off at work AGAIN and I stayed until 930. It was such total bullshit that I wrote a big ass note telling my boss in the most professional way possible that I was through with this bullshit. I'm much much too calm now to bitch about it which is extremely unfortunate because I was livid when it happened, so this could have been a hilarious post.

Day 198: He sent me novels and I sent him three sentences and now we're together.

Online dating. It's scary. It's exciting. It's a thrill ride and a haunted mansion. Some people are honest, others are lying. Some are sweet. Some are creeps. Some say they want a relationship but really just want to bang you. Some say they just want to bang you but they really want a relationship. Some a jerks. Some are sweethearts. Some you'll click with. Some you won't. Some you'll click with but won't want you. Some will want you but you want click with. Either way, it's an experience that has to be experienced in order for you to get the full experience of the experience. It can't be told to you. It's all about throwing yourself out there before you meet someone so that you know ahead of time if you're really going to like this person or not. If this person is really a creeper or not. If this person is what you want in a partner. I'm so glad I made my profile. I would have never met Ben.

Day 197: "I don't want child protective services called because it looks like we keep him in the basement and throw raw beef at him every once in awhile"

This is how I described Dorian's state after we gave him three sips of a very very very weak soda and he was running around like his asshole was on fire and he fell into every single dirty thing he could find. And rubbed his face and body all over his food. So I bought him a new outfit.

My grand opening party went awesome. Although no one ordered anything from me. It's alright though, they've seen the products, now they get the opportunity to think it over and decide if they want what I have to offer them. :)

Day 196: Earth below us, drifting, falling...

This is going to be the longest day of my life. I swear. I have to work from midnight until eight a.m tomorrow morning and then I am finally having my grand opening for my business. I haven't even seen my house since I've been with Ben the past four days. So I'm a little non excited to see what state my house is in. Ben and I were safe in our little part of Palmyra. I'm seriously going to miss falling asleep with him next to me. It's a comfort I got used to. And it's pretty nice to feel secure, like nothing will ever get you. Because you have someone there.

Day 195: If you dumped koolaid all over your boyfriend's apartment...

wouldn't you expect him to kill you? Or atleast be pissed? My boyfriend? Didn't even raise his voice once.

Day 194: It seriously took us THREE HOURS to find a way to my fucking house

When we live twenty minutes apart. I only got home to get some clothes and my money because we were broker than shit and running out of food and Dauphin County just got put on a fucking boil your damn water thing so we needed clean water. We didn't even have bread. I needed desperately to get money so we didn't have to worry that we weren't going to be able to feed ourselves and the baby for the next two days. I am still living with Ben. Apparently Ben hasn't gotten sick of me yet. I don't know how the hell he does it. I'd lose my fucking mind if I had to be trapped with myself for twenty four hours a day.

Day 193: When you wake up and it's the fucking apocalpyse outside and your job still expects you to come in.

So I have temporarily moved in with my new boyfriend because I came over to his place early this morning and I wake up and the whole fucking sky is taking the biggest piss on the earth EVER. And everywhere is flooded so bad that the bus drivers can't even get the kids to their houses and my job was seriously threatening to give me points for calling off. MIND YOU IT WAS THREE FUCKING HOURS BEFOREHAND. There was a goddamn river in front of the casino. Are you SHITTING ME? Gah.

Day 192: Can someone explain to me how a toddler

can get hot dog chili all over the house when we kept it in ONE ROOM and watched him the whole time????!?!?!??!?!!??

Also, UPDATE, Ben's still amazing. And Handsome. And mine. And he hasn't gotten sick of me yet. Despite the fact that I pick on him. Then again, he won't let me live down the fact that I struggled for like five minutes with a child proof capped pill bottle but Dorian, who isn't even two yet, waltzed into the room like a boss and opens it right away.

Day 191: Shit yourself car rides with Tamara and Erin.

Some quotes from a pretty epic morning of sleep deprived barely adults on a sugar rush:
Tamara: *reading a Snapple lid* Bees have hair on their eyes.
Erin: Why THE FUCK do they have hair on their eyes?
Tamara:*chokes on drink*

Tamara: I'm going to give it to Cory when I get home but he probably won't want it right away.
Erin: This where my future husband and I would get a divorce. "Honey! I brought you a candy bar!" "Thank sweetie, but I'll eat it later!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT IT RIGHT NOW OR WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE AND I'M LEAVING THESE ASSHOLE KIDS WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU WHICH MEANS THEY ARE DAMN UGLY!"
Tamara: *pissing herself* That's so horrible. Funny. But horrible.

Erin: It was so horrible that Donna sent an email to the other supervisors basically telling them that I had had a fucking horrible night and that if Paula had any shit to spew about it that she could go suck a dick. I was thinking about how I would have worded that message had I been Donna. "It was crazy up in there. It was so crazy that I'm pretty sure Erin shit herself twice. That's how fucking crazy it was."

Erin: I mean, I come into work in the worst moods and I'm like "GODDAMNITPISSSHITFUCKCOCKASSTESTICLES..." *giant smile at fake guest* Hi! How may I help you?

Erin: I mean the grill looked like someone shit all over it. And she didn't understand why I wanted to clean it. Fat people. I swear. She didn't need a fucking hot dog. She needed to walk off the calories she gained just by looking at my hot dogs.

Tamara: what do I want to drink? Hmmm... oh-
Erin: GRAPE JUICE! HOLY SHIT!

Day 190: REALLY, BITCH??! REALLY?!?!?!

Ok, seriously, this stupid bitch has called off on me TWICE when I was working the damn overnight shift and takes forfuckingever to count down her fucking drawer when she comes because she just HAS TO turn the damn dollars the same way and CAN'T do it after I fucking leave. And makes a stock list of sixfuckingteen million things that she doesn't actualy fucking need. And she's always AT THE VERY LEAST? TEN DAMN MINUTES LATE. At the end of the day though? I never talk shit about her to ANYONE at work. I blow off steam to my boyfriend or my best friend, but NEVER anyone that it's ever going to get back to her and create a hostile work enviroment or uneccessary drama. I just bottle it the fuck up, bite the goddamn bullet and fucking go to work AND I DON'T PUNCH HER IN THE DAMN FACE when she comes in late for the 3410484179827301928309283092183120947189479384th time.

So when I fucking told this same bitch that I had a non stop goddamn line until four a.m and both my supervisor, the beverage supervisor and any number of fucking security guards could have fucking vouched for me, and I had barely any time to breathe let alone clean anything and I did my goddamn best to keep it as clean as possible.

Then I find out that your bitchface was talking shit about me to the new girl saying that I don't do my fucking job? That I don't do anything right? And then you leave a list of shit that "needs to be done" every shift TARGETED AT ME. All because I forgot to take your stupid trash out. Bitch, suck my dick. SUCK MY HUGE THROBBING HAIRY DICK. YOU ARE MAKING THIS A HOSTILE WORKPLACE, and I don't give a shit anymore. I don't get paid near enough to deal with your bullshit. So hell yeah, I'll take this shit to a manager. There are tons of fucking people who'd love your goddamn hours that apparently you feel the need to call off every other fucking weekend for anyhow. SO GET THE FUCK OUT.

SHIT. FUCK. DAMN IT. PISS.

I needed to get that out.

Day 189: WHY THE HELL IS JIMMY BUFFET SO DAMN POPULAR?!?!?!?!

IT WAS JUST A FUCKING COVER BAND!!!!! WHY WERE THERE SO MANY DAMN PEOPLE AND WHY THE FUCK DID THEY STAY UNTIL FUCKING FOUR A.M?!?!!? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT???? THE?????? FUCK?????????? OH MY GOD.

Day 188: If we didn't jump off this cliff together, we'd never jump at all. :)

Tonight was pretty stinken awesome. I'm so glad that Ben and I click the way we do. And he doesn't think I'm a crazy person when I have a giggle fit over the fact that I ran over someone on Grand Theft Auto.

Day 187: Meet Mister Dorian :)

This little punkin is Dorian. He's almost two years old. He's the newest addition to my life. And like most men, he's more interested in his video games than taking a picture with me. He's my boyfriend's son. And he's adorable. He calls me Enen. He's probably the cutest kid in the entire world. Then again, I'm biased.