Day 341: Sick of arguing.

Sick of arguing about

• money
• the wedding
• everyone's opinions about everything that's really none of their damn business
• money
• money
• money
• moving
• money
• money
• my job
• money

I'm damn done. 

Day 340: HOLY PISS THESE DAYS ARE GOING BY QUICK

I have twenty five days to think of a new name for this damn blog. I seriously have no ideas. Zero. Zilch. None at all. I hate these things. I swear if I ever have a child, it'll probably nameless for like the first five years of their life. I hate names. Titles. All of that crap.

Day 339: Weird ass book

So I started reading this strange book that I bought forever ago. It's so strange and I'm not even sure what it's about yet. I hate books like this. It's supposedly scary, funny and actiony. WHAT?

Day 338: One Hundred Book Challenge.

Book #2:

Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Brashares.

This is the author of the Sisterhood of the traveling pants series, if you've never heard of her, you and I can no longer be friends.

THIS BOOK WAS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.

I started reading it this morning and have not been able to put it down from the first page.

I can't tell you anything about the plot without giving it all away.

God bless her and her complicated plots.

If I write like anyone, it'd be Ann Brashares.

Day 337: Hollywood Casino.

I'm honestly getting really tired of my job at the casino. It isn't because the management is bad. Honestly, the management is better than any other place I've worked before. It has nothing to do with that. The pay is great and the benefits are great. Don't get me wrong I love my job. I love my customers. I love to work. I love feeling like I have an actual purpose. Sometimes my managers and supervisors even instill the feeling of "We can't do this without you". When everywhere else I've worked, the managers are doing everything within their power to let you know you're replaceable.

The problem is not management.
The problem is not the perks.
The problem is not the customers.  (though I feel I have had more than my fairshare of dealing with drunks)
The problem is not the job.

The problem is my coworkers.

Now, not all of them are bad. In fact, most of them are a pleasure to work with. The people I'm speaking of are about 10% of the people I work with. If even that.

I have never worked somewhere where my coworkers were so keen to get each other in trouble. It's almost as if everyone is looking for a way to get everyone else fired. Instead of talking to each other when a problem arises, they run immediately to supervisors and management in a "Mommy! MOMMY! GUESS WHAT BIG SISTER DID?" Sort of way and it's ridiculous. If anything, the coworkers rallied around each other when management attempted to point fingers at us lowlies when a problem arose.

You don't know who to talk to. Who to trust with anything. Who to smile at and embrace. And who to turn from and walk away. It's hard to decipher a fake smile from a true one.

It wasn't always this way. When I first started we were a family. A lot of the people I started with either switched departments or got fired or quit.

That's when all the newbies started rolling in. And though the ones I'm speaking of have masterful ways of hiding it, they don't want to be here. They don't like this job and they're only here because whatever they truly wanted to do in the casino, wasn't hiring at the time.

I miss how it used to be. Back when I didn't have to drag myself regretfully out of bed every day to go to work. Back when I used to get EXCITED to be going to work. I don't like this, I don't like this feeling of fear and tired sadness every time I walk in that building. I don't like having my guard up when the new kids come in. I miss being able to act so familiar with everyone but now you don't know who to tell what. You aren't sure who is truly your friend and who has just been pretending this whole time.

This isn't how it should be.

This is how it is though.

And I hate it.

:(

Day 336: One Hundred Book Challenge

Apparently there's thing going around that people had a new years resolution to read a hundred books this year. It probably happens every year, but I decided that I'd do that too. I can read a hundred books in a hundred days if I really put my mind to it but I have a full time job and a wedding to plan, so it may actually be a challenge to get in one hundred books by the years end.

Anyway, I finished World War Z by Max Brooks this month and it was a lot better than I had expected it to be. In fact, one chapter almost made me cry, not out of fear, but out of true emotional connections to the characters in the book.

It's basically about a zombie war. In this book, it's written from the voices of the people who fought in/survived the zombie take over and their accounts of how it all went down. It's from the voices of generals, soldiers, children who lost family, children who kept their family but it would never be the same, disabled people, nerds, everyone and it's absolutely awesome and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who has even the slightest interest in Zombies.

Day 335: SECRETS REVEALED

So, today, we finally revealed our secret.
Drew and I are engaged.
You're reading the blog of the future Mrs.Gardner.
I'm so excited. He's everything to me. There's absolutely no one who could be a more perfect fit to me than Drew.
Here's to my future. Full of promise :)

Day 334: My two days off, I'll be recovering from this sickness

I've been incredibly sick.
It's Drew's damn fault.
:(

Day 333: I'm not leaving, not really

I came back from North Carolina today.
It hurts.
It always hurts having to leave NC.
It's going to hurt worse when I have to go to bed tonight.
Alone.
Without someone to steal the covers off me.
:(
This is a sad day.

Day 332: GUESS WHO'S SICK???

ME.
Guess who did this to me?
DREW.

Day 331: The 50th Anniversary

Today was my Aunt and Uncle's fiftieth anniversary. It's always amazing when someone makes it that far. When you think about how easy they've made divorce and how people will leave the moment it gets too tough. Drew was all dressed up and he looked absolutely amazing. Not that he doesn't normally look amazing, but he was all snazztastical. :)

Anyway, the had it in a hibachi Japanese steak house and Drew has NEVER been to one. These are the places where they cook your food in front of you and put on a little show for you. I was glad to be with him. It was awesome. I'll have to take him to the one in Lebanon one of these days.

He's coming down with something though, he's been sneezing and coughing up a storm. Of course we've been kissing so I'm going to catch whatever it is.

Day 330: Para Para Paradise. OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP.

So we're in North Carolina now. We left around seven this morning to get on the road. We would have left sooner if I hadn't thrown my phone off my bed in the middle of the night. I use my phone as an alarm clock so you can now understand why this was a problem.

Driving with Drew was much more enjoyable of a ride than being with my exboyfriend for thirteen damn hours. The only thing Drew did to get on my nerves was REPEATEDLY HUM "Paradise" by Coldplay. And then I couldn't get it out of my head at all. I swear it haunted my dreams.

We're staying at a Days Inn, it's literally right off the highway so we don't even have to go way out of our way to get back on the highway when we return.We found a coupon for it at the welcome center, and I'm a Jew so we decided that that would be the best way to go. It had wifi and that was the deciding factor. The room has a KING SIZE BED. ;)

 We made great time and the Monte Carlo made it all the way there on only one tank of gas. Pretty damn good gas mileage if you ask me. And you are asking me. Because you're reading my damn blog.

Day 329: WE LEAVE TOMORROW

SO FUCKING EXCITED.
I'm not going to want to come back

Day 328: Writing ruts.

So I've finally gotten out of my writing rut. It's only taken me forever. Ever since I went full time and took the overnight shifts at work, I spend my days off catching up on sleep and trying to get some laundry done. I spend my weekends with the boo. I haven't had a whole lot of time to myself and when I do have the time, I just don't have any inspiration. I finally decided to force myself to write which is usually the way I get myself out of these ruts. I'm very excited. Writing always gave me an escape from everyday life.

Day 327: There's always a Siver lining

As promised, I will now list all the positive things to happen to me in 2011.

All the Good Shit that happened in 2011:

• Became very very close to Tamara. :)
• Started working at a job that paid me enough and treated me for the most part, good.
• Was Published for the first of what I'm sure will be many times.
• Got out of my writing slump and began to write again.
• Realized many a thing about myself.
• Reconnected with Drew, fell back in love with him, as I knew I would :)
• Developed many more strong friendships with new people.
• I lived again for another year. :)

Day 326: Glittering Clouds

Can't believe how damn fast this year in the life is going by. I can't believe how quickly 2011 went by. It was like, just yesterday I was with Max and made the decision to start this blog, and now I'm back with Drew, who I seriously NEVER thought would happen again. So many things happened this year. Kind of stealing this from Anna (and rather late), but in this blog I'm going to list all the negative things that happend in 2011 and in tomorrow's blog I'll highlight the positive things.

Stupid Shit that Happened in 2011:

• Was physically assaulted quite a few times by quite a few different people.
• Lost a few friends due to stupid bullshit fights over stupid bullshit
• Lost my student loan
• Failed out of college
• Worked a bullshit job with a bunch of bullshit drama.
• Messed up my hip
• Gave up my innocence to someone who didn't deserve it.

Day 325: How to apologize

So today, Drew and I had a little spat. I tell you, he apologizes like a boss.

First, you admit you were wrong and that you were indeed the one being an asshat.

Second, you give your affected partner 2084385402948309830542850928530 kisses.

Then you lend her ten bucks for some new shoes.

Day 324: HOLY COW.

The new girl at work had a drop of over 2000 dollars. I didn't think she added right but she did. HOLY SHIT DUDE.

Day 323: "We can always find a way back to each other"

Is it February yet??? I can't wait for The Vow to come into theaters. I will be dragging Drew and a box of tissues to the theater. If you haven't heard of it, first, bitch slap yourself. Second, get your ass to the youtube and search that shit. Better yet, I'll do it for you. You lazy mofo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8swF2-R6X9A

Day 322: I'm sick and stinken tired

of being sick and tired. I've had a on and off runny nose for the longest time now and it's pissing me off something ridiculous.

Day 321: What would you do?

I have been watching a ton of What Would You Do? videos from ABC's primetime on youtube. They have a variety of situations, ranging from a teen beating his girlfriend to all kinds of racism and discrimination. I wanted to say that I was apart of a situation when I used to work at the park that was a "What would you do" situation. 

There was a man, I would mention his race, but I don't want people to throw stereotypes around, so there was a family, they had just come off of the one ride and they had two small children and what I assumed to be his wife, with him. The one was a little boy, couldn't be more than four years old. After getting off the ride, he dropped his pants and underwear on the ground. He was crying and I guess that he may have soiled himself and it was uncomfortable and he was small and didn't know what else to do. Well, the parents picked him up and started attempting to change him, I suppose. Well, the child was continuing to cry. The father begins to repeatedly smack the child in the face. Not just light taps, he was WAILING on this child. I was with another girl, she was in the game next to mine. She told me not to say anything, to just leave it alone.

I am the victim of abuse, I will not just let it go. I screamed "STOP." To get his attention. He came over to me and I literally felt my heart drop to my ass. He came up to me and asked me relatively politely if I had a problem. I told him that "you can't hit him like that, that's not going to help!" And he began to demand that was his child and he could do whatever he wanted to that kid. I told him repeatedly that it was not okay. He told me where to shove it and walked away. As soon as he turned his back on me, I got security on his ass.

I feel extremely strongly about some issues. And as that 100 % true to the bone story shows you, I can't bite my tongue on any issues. Here is my opinion on what I would do in some of these situations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bhn-rLSRBJ4&feature=related
Seeing a child being forced into a marriage.

I can imagine myself being the lady in the last part of this clip. I would wait until they had all left and would have snuck her out the back and ran with her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OdKow7IAuw&feature=related
A Baby in a locked car.

First, I'd call the police. Next, I would have checked if the door was unlocked. If not, one of those chairs would be going directly through the front window.

Day 320: UGH

Today, I slept until seven at night. That pissed me off so bad. I only really went to bed at one though because I went shopping with Tamara after work. Which, you know what that means!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT YOURSELF CAR RIDES WITH TAMARA AND ERIN.

Although, all I really have is one quote.

*Owen was reaching down my shirt*
Erin: Are you looking for my boobies?
Owen: Yes.

This is why I'm team Owen. He's seriously everything to me.

Day 319: Take me down like I'm a domino.

TODAY IS MY FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAYYYYYYY FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. At work. I am pretty psyched about it but really, it's like only having one day because I work until 8 am tomorrow morning.

Day 318: How long can we keep this up?

So, if you've been following mine and Drew's cryptic facebook statuses, we have a tiny HUMONGOGINORMORAMUS secret that we're keeping. Well, I'd tell you what it is, but even my best friend doesn't know the full of the secret. ;) You'll just have to wait and see. After we reveal it to everyone, I'll post a blog about it, and why we kept it a secret.



Song Title that Inspired Blog Title:

Distance- Christina Perri

Day 317: Farm Show

Today, Drew and I went to the farm show. We went, got milkshakes, looked at the moo cows and left. Yup.

Day 316: I need somewhere to hang my head without your noose.

I'm seriously getting incredibly tired of everyone's bullshit. There really is no reason you can't tell me something to my face instead of going behind my back to spew your shit to people you know are going to tell me everything you said anyway. There is no reason to be afraid of me. I'm like five foot nothing and I have not a single ounce of muscle on my body. What are you so terrified of because only a coward talks shit behind people's backs.

Song that inspired today's blog title:

Best of You- Foo Fighters.

Day 315: In your arms, I'll stay.

I've seriously found my soulmate. He's all I've ever wanted and more. And to be honest, I don't think I have ever been happier in my life. With him, it just works. And I'm glad that fate brought us back together. He and I are just the perfect fit. :) Happy One Month Again, babe. :)

Day 314: New ideas

So I used to have another blog that I had to make for school, I'm sure that if you're enough of a creeper you could find it. I abandoned it because it basically documented a life of failed relationships and it was too much past that I had no interest in remembering. Well, in this blog I used to do the titles of each new blog post with song titles and then list the song at the bottom of the blogpost. Well, I'm definitely going to bring that back. It's alot better than my crappy titles that have no ability in catching anyone's attention.

 Also, I'm going to change the title of the blog. It's still going to be "365 Days of Lame" but instead of a year in the life, I'm going to have to change that. If you have any ideas, feel free to shoot em at em. I'm drawing a damn blank.

I have officially and now publicly decided to make this an everyday blog FOREVER

Or atleast until I decide that I have told enough of my life's story.

Day 313: Stupid Fears

I used to be afraid of the number 13.

Day 312: Things You Shouldn't Be Embarassed about.

I was thinking about this at work tonight. Things that we as people are embarassed about that we really shouldn't be.

1. Buying Condoms: Seriously? Why should you be embarassed about being a responsible adult? "Oh god, someone is going to see me protecting myself against a pregnancy that I'm too young and or stupid and or broke to take of right now. OH SHIT." Or you're afraid someone's going to see you and then people are going to know you have sex... seriously? Everyone has sex. It's an everyday ritual. Why do we feel like we have to hide the fact that we aren't just thinking with our sexual organs?
2. Our Periods: Seriously, girls, every single person who has ever had a vagina, including Eve, had a period. It's something that happens to every woman. Why do we feel like we should have to hide our pads up our sleeves?
3. Taking a shit: When you gotta go, you gotta go. And while every man in the world would like to live in a life where they pretend to be blissfully unaware that a woman's ass is used for anything other than sitting, EVERYONE takes a shit. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, no one is going to go and tell everyone that you pooped in the bathroom. It's kind of what bathrooms are made for.
4. Being pissed about something: Don't hide it. Be pissed. I have a whole blog here of pissiness.

Day 311: New Years Resolutions

1. Figure out the new title to this blog before I hit day 365.
2. Lose some damn weight
3. Quit forgiving people who aren't sorry
4. Stop caring about what everyone else has to say about you
5. Believe in myself
6. Try to limit my fucking swearing down to one fuck a fucking sentence. Oh shit. Fuck this.
7. Finish five books. YES. FIVE.
8. Publish once more
9. Go back to college