Day 337: Hollywood Casino.

I'm honestly getting really tired of my job at the casino. It isn't because the management is bad. Honestly, the management is better than any other place I've worked before. It has nothing to do with that. The pay is great and the benefits are great. Don't get me wrong I love my job. I love my customers. I love to work. I love feeling like I have an actual purpose. Sometimes my managers and supervisors even instill the feeling of "We can't do this without you". When everywhere else I've worked, the managers are doing everything within their power to let you know you're replaceable.

The problem is not management.
The problem is not the perks.
The problem is not the customers.  (though I feel I have had more than my fairshare of dealing with drunks)
The problem is not the job.

The problem is my coworkers.

Now, not all of them are bad. In fact, most of them are a pleasure to work with. The people I'm speaking of are about 10% of the people I work with. If even that.

I have never worked somewhere where my coworkers were so keen to get each other in trouble. It's almost as if everyone is looking for a way to get everyone else fired. Instead of talking to each other when a problem arises, they run immediately to supervisors and management in a "Mommy! MOMMY! GUESS WHAT BIG SISTER DID?" Sort of way and it's ridiculous. If anything, the coworkers rallied around each other when management attempted to point fingers at us lowlies when a problem arose.

You don't know who to talk to. Who to trust with anything. Who to smile at and embrace. And who to turn from and walk away. It's hard to decipher a fake smile from a true one.

It wasn't always this way. When I first started we were a family. A lot of the people I started with either switched departments or got fired or quit.

That's when all the newbies started rolling in. And though the ones I'm speaking of have masterful ways of hiding it, they don't want to be here. They don't like this job and they're only here because whatever they truly wanted to do in the casino, wasn't hiring at the time.

I miss how it used to be. Back when I didn't have to drag myself regretfully out of bed every day to go to work. Back when I used to get EXCITED to be going to work. I don't like this, I don't like this feeling of fear and tired sadness every time I walk in that building. I don't like having my guard up when the new kids come in. I miss being able to act so familiar with everyone but now you don't know who to tell what. You aren't sure who is truly your friend and who has just been pretending this whole time.

This isn't how it should be.

This is how it is though.

And I hate it.

:(