Day 160: "How do you feel?"

That is the question. It never comes with an easy or true answer. I could say I'm fine, but that just shows you that I'm not. I could say that I'm okay, but do you truly believe it when I spit it at you? There are voices, everywhere, inside and out of my head. Some shove me towards you, others pull me away from you. You expect me to know exactly how I feel and why I feel it when after almost nineteen years, I still don't understand myself. How much is real? So much to question. What purpose is there in ever lying? It's not a grudge I'm holding. I'm not holding anything over your head. I have rights to be hesitant. Everything that I've ever done in my life has been hesitant. My entire life is a hesitant, teen-angst, horror film. What I can tell you is that until you waltzed yourself into my haphazard life, it really had no direction. No drive. I was never ever this happy. My face never hurt from smiling all day. Your name seems to just roll off my tongue. It's perfect. You're perfect. I'm the one who isn't.