Day 230: I'm a bad influence.

According to my parents because I've had sex before I was married (which by the way, my mother did as well) and because I've gotten drunk a grand total of one time in my life. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Bitch, I haven't had alcohol since JUNE. FUCKING JUNE. I would be able to deal with your shit alot more easily if I had some goddamn Smirnoff recently.

And they are basing their judgement of me being a bad influence on what they KNOW about my sex life. Which they are under the impression that I've only had sex with Max. Ever. In my life. (let me let you in on a little secret: THAT is SO not the case) Now, granted I did wait until I was eighteen to have sex and I have always always always always had protected sex. I'm not stupid about it. Now, I'm not a whore, but I've had sex with more than one man. But I'm not worried about STDs. And if I were to become pregnant I would be able to identify the father without having to drag a list out. It's not quite that intense. I can count how many people I have banged on one hand. And I don't even need the whole hand.

The point is, I waited until I was a goddamn adult to actually make the conscious decision to let a man stick his weiner in me. No, I wasn't married. I was engaged to said man though. But I am an ADULT. I only had sex as an ADULT. How many fucking kids in my sister's high school have goddamn children before they have even graduated??? And I'm a bad influence? Okay, well then you might as well pull her out of goddamn high school because that place reeks of semen, weed and KY lubricant.

And that's another goddamn thing. I have never ever ever ever touched weed. Ever in my life. NO DRUGS. I have never taking any medications other than what was prescribed for me and I have never O.Ded for pleasure or whatever. I HAVE NEVER DONE DRUGS. Never even thought about it.

In fact, I'm probably the best goddamn person my siblings could possibly look up to. I work my ass off at a casino. I work 40+ hours a week. I pay bills. I buy groceries. I have never killed anyone despite the metric fuck ton of shit that I have been through and have to put up with every goddamn day. Yeah, I have had premarital sex. I have drank. And I ENJOYED THE FUCK OUT OF IT. But that's what goddamn adults goddamn do. You want to know what else I have done? I have gone out and gotten my own insurance. I have remained strong despite the fact that I have been raped and beaten. I have been knocked on my ass time after time after time after time and guess what? Instead of just wrapping the noose around my damn neck and giving the fuck up. You wanna know what I did? I got the hell back on the fucking horse and rode on.

I am a published author.
I am a great friend.
I have financially supported many people.
I pay for my own fucking health insurance.
Despite the fact that the world has been against it so much,
I am living.

Living is what's hard. Dying is easy.
I've never been the one to take the easy way out.