This is yet again another installment of Shit Yourself Car rides with Tamara and Erin. Though it is quite possibly the most chockfull of quotes blog that you will ever read and after you read this, you might want to call the authorities, DO NOT BE ALARMED, PUT DOWN THE FUCKING PHONE AND PUT SOME DAMN PANTS ON. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.
We'll start out with the quote that started it all.
Erin: I hate beer, it tastes like asshole.
Tamara: It tastes like infected asshole. Like syphilis asshole.
Cory: For once your overreactive bladder came in handy.
Erin: Owen, quit looking at in me in that tone of voice.
Erin: Someday I am going to walk into a hospital screaming "I'M PREGNANT! SHE TOUCHED MY KNEE WITHOUT PROTECTION! I NEED AN ABORTION! STAT!"
*driving by manure road*
Erin: THAT WAS NOT ME!
Tamara: I think that's pig shit.
Erin: Trust me, if that was me, I would totally take responsibility. I'd be like "GUYS, I TOTALLY FARTED! In fact, I think I shit my pants."
Tamara: Cory says that Owen wants booby.
Erin: Did you leave some titty juice at home?
Tamara: He won't drink it.
Erin: Tell Cory to let Owen suck on his booby until you get home.
later on that same quote was used again, only I butchered it which also means that another quote ensued.
Erin: Tell Owen to let Cory suck his booby... I mean... Oh my god.
Tamara: CORY DON'T SUCK THE CHILD'S BOOBY!
Tamara: Look, I told you there were half pound reese's cups.
Erin: *loudly* HOLY SHIT.
Erin: Can I come sleep in your bed tonight? We can have a threesome.
Tamara: I don't share well.
Erin: Can you and me just have sex then and Cory can watch? IF HE TELLS YOU HE'S NOT INTO THAT, he is LYING. He totally fantasizes about you with another woman.
Erin: This stuff tastes like shit.
Tamara: Aren't you proud of your purchase?
Erin: No, it tastes like SYPHILLIS ASSHOLE.
Erin: Someone is going to call the guys in the white chair... the white hospital.. the white the white.
Tamara: The white house?!
Erin: The white coats. YES THE WHITE HOUSE. They are going to call Barack Obama and tell them that there are two insane women running around talking about syphillis asshole.
Erin: *itching leg frantically* My leg itches. It's herpes. Herpes of the leg.
Tamara: I got bitten by a herpes bug too!
Erin: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THEM HERPES BUGS.
Erin: He said "creame crumpets". Who the fuck spells cream like that?
Tamara: European people
Erin: I'm telling him to stop being so proper. I can't handle it.
Erin: Did you shit on the table? I heard it's pretty common to shit yourself whilist giving birth. They just clean it up and don't tell you about it.
Tamara: No. And I would have known too. I am very sensitive to my body.
Erin: You have a sensitive asshole?
Tamara: Yes, I have a sensitive asshole.
Erin: I'm going to tell Cory that we're discussing your sensitive asshole.
Tamara: Oh, he would know about it. "Cory, it doesn't go in there."
Tamara: *gives Owen a "Disney Princess" Playing card* It's like playboy for babies.
(I thought you should know I pissed myself three times while typing this.)
I am surprised you were able to type this all without having random incoherent words pop up because you were laughing so hard it would be like
ReplyDeleteSjxjcjdjsjfj syphilis sjfjfjfjdjs asshole ajfkcjdjd