Day 244: Piss Yourself Quote Blog #1

These all come from "quote books" that I had made for an ex in the past. I recorded anything that I or anyone around me said that was funny pretty much everyday until I filled an entire notebook. These also come from notebooks that my friends and I passed back and forth between classes to talk to one another. It would be wisest if you read this whilist on the toilet. That's where I will be typing it.

"The class meeting was exactly like I said it would be:

• Don't have sex
• Don't kill people
• Don't smoke weed in the bathroom
• Don't look up porn online at school
• Don't drink alcohol
• Try not to come to school naked
• Try to wear clothing that covers all of your vaginal and ass-like area
• Don't text in class
• Don't snort cocaine on school grounds, anywhere else is fine
• Be good kids. Or we'll kill you

We covered all the major topics"

"There's a creeper in the hallway, no one knows who he is and he's just standing there."

Erin: My dick is so big that I have to wrap it around my waist. Twice.

Erin: Who is she talking to?
Pumpkin: I don't know, just smile and nod.

Jenny: Erin appreciates any food you give her.
Erin: I appreciate anything you give me to put in my mouth.

Katie: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Erin: A dress point.

Erin: Ryne, Why are you so tall?
Ryne: I eat small children.

Jordan: Why were you doing math on your hand?
Erin: I was trying to figure out how much my fat ass would have to pay for all this food.

Erin: How about you do your job?
Ryne: Shut up, Frodo.

Bob: If I have to sew shut one more orifice, I'm going to scream.

Erin: *absentmindedly humping the counter whilist making sex noises*
Dylan: There's something wrong with you.
Tim: This is why we can't have nice things.

Erin: Well maybe if you had studied instead of engaging in homosexual activities last night.

Cameron: I'm hellish pumped. I'm going to scream my ass off.

Mike: A true friend joins your match, shoots you in the head, and quits.

Erin: Your energy is frightening me. And now you're trying to pull my clothes off.

Jon: I'm picking up my dick, slinging it over my shoulder and saying goodbye to her.

Erin: If she died, I'd come to her funeral just to pee on her.

"Cameron was jumping up to throw a ball at someone and got hit in the stomach. His way of venting about it was to walk as slowly as possible to the other side of the room while screaming as loudly as he could"

"When John gets excited, he screams "WHOA" for about five minutes straight. Sex with him would probably be frightening"

"Let's open on this scene: Cody is laying on the floor. Blake scampers up behind him, spikes a ball into his head and runs off giggling."

Erin: When I die, my family can invite people over and throw me in a bonfire.

*someone turns the lights on*
Random kid: TURN THEM OFF! SHE'S UGLY!

Ryan: What are you reading?
Erin: A book.
Ryan: You're impossible.