Day 310: HAPPY ALMOST NEW YEAR

Day 309: One thing I hate most

Is that moment when you knew you wanted to look up a song, but you can't remember the name. So you're like, well that's okay, I'll just type the lyrics into google and it'll tell me. Then you can't remember any of the lyrics. It's like your brain is saying "fuck you".

Day 308: This computer is being a bitch

My patience is running very thin.

Day 307: Facebook is being a bitch

is anyone else having problems logging onto their facebook lately? Mine has been pissing me the hell off.

Day 306: So I tell myself that I'll be strong...

We didn't get the apartment. It just means that we weren't meant to have it, I suppose. I'm still disappointed but shit happens. We will get out somehow and somehow soon. It will happen. You have to look for that silver lining.

Day 305: Does anyone else feel...

Like this year went by really fast? It feels like just yesterday I was in a bullshit, going nowhere job and relationship. It feels like just yesterday that I just about shit my pants over what the casino was offering me as starting pay. It feels like It feels like just yesterday that I was getting my student loan denied. It feels like just yesterday that I got published for the THIRD time in my life. It feels like just yesterday that I hurt my hip. It feels like just yesterday that I was celebrating an ENTIRE year of NO HOSPITAL TRIPS for me. It seems like just yesterday it was New Years Day 2011...

Day 304: CHRISTMAS GIFTS

This was my second christmas with my baby, which automatically makes it the most amazing christmas ever. :) I never thought I'd get a second Christmas with my soulmate. :') He also got me the most amazing and beautiful ring for christmas.

I didn't want you to see my hair. It's a damn mess right now. But yes, that's opal which is my favorite gemstone.

Along with my baby's amazing ring I also got:

• A Keurig coffee maker
• A blender
• Three Straightening irons
• A Hair blow dryer
• A pillow that plays soft music through my ipod
• A GEORGE FUCKING FOREMAN GRILL
• Glasses
• silverware
• photo frames
• Nail polish
• Pillow pets out the asshole
• CANDY SO MUCH FUCKING CANDY
• Coasters
• MOCASSINS

It was an exciting christmas all around.

Day 303: There is a girl that gives a shit behind this wall.

I give off this air that I don't care about what anyone says about me. I give off this strong vibe, like you can't hurt me. Those close enough to me know that it isn't true. Not at all. And I'm sick of getting hurt.

Day 302: Damn son

Only 63 days left! HOLY SHIT.

Day 301: Reasons Why You May Get Deleted.

So, I'm going on a mass deletion on my friends on facebook. I am going through a rough time right now, and I don't particularly care anymore. I've had my final straw with the bullshit and I'm now deleting the bullshit from my news feed. There are a couple different reasons you could get deleted. I have been deleting people subtly for about a week now. Here are the reasons I am deleting people in no order:

1.) You pop up in my news feed and I don't know who the fuck you are or how we became friends, I have been known to go on drunken "add friend" binges where I suddenly get three million notifications about "accepted friend requests" I don't ever remember making.

2.) You only ever added me because you were hoping to get into my pants and are now harassing me via my facebook because you're pissed because I'm with someone who wants me for more than just my veej.

3.) You pop in my news feed and I read whatever bullshit you posted and I say aloud "NO ONE GIVES A SHIT". This is directed towards people who post about making a fucking sandwhich, then post about the shit they are taking and then post about going out with their friends. It's a bunch of hohum stupid shit every five minutes. I don't need to know every minute of your stupid life.

4.) You post about drugs frequently. I feel no need to associate myself with the scum of the earth, thanks.

5.) Your relationship status changes every two fucking days.

6.) You're a raging whoresorus Rex. And I'm honestly afraid that if you breathed on me, I'd catch all forty seven STDs you have.

7.) You have that stupid ass new facebook layout that pisses my laptop off and I don't give enough of a shit about you to deal with the thirty damn minutes it takes for my laptop to load your fucking page.

8.) I frequently have to delete your comments from my statuses because you're always being an asswad and I'm tired of dealing with your bullshit.

9.) I don't trust that you aren't involved in this horror story shit that's going on at the high school. I see no reason to keep a bunch of people with psychotic murderous tendencies on my facebook.

10.)  You're a teenage mother who doesn't have a single picture of her baby on her facebook and I see only statuses about you going out and partying or your goddamn boy drama than taking care of your baby. I hate hate hate women who do this. You should have given your child up to someone who actually wanted them. You disgust me, you piece of trash. Everything you post makes me hate you more.

11.) You're a bitch. If all your statuses are about how you think you're the hottest fucking piece of shit out there and demeaning people for being fat or "ugly", I'm deleting you. You're the ugly one. Beauty isn't what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside. And you know what you look like on the inside? A BIG STEAMING PILE OF SHIT. Go fuck yourself since you think you're so fucking amazing.

12.) All your statuses are all "woe is me" and depressing when it's about some fucking breakup or your parents won't let you out past your fucking curfew, THERE ARE FAR WORSE THINGS. Your parents aren't beating you. And your Ex boyfriend was probably fucking someone behind your back, you're better off. So quit crying about it all over your fucking facebook.

13.) You lie.

14.) Your very existance pisses me off.

15.) All of your pictures have your tits hanging out so much that I can practically see your nipples. Or your version of shorts is anything that covers your veej. Anything longer than that you refer to as "pants".



You could also be multiple things at once. If you get deleted, one of these is the reasons why. I no longer want contact with you. Don't add me back until you've actually got your shit in order.

Day 300: Seriously Can't Wait for January

I need out of this fucking place.

Day 299: How NOT make a girl be into you.

So, there is this guy who has been repeatedly trying to get with me since I started working at the casino. I have taken an oath not to name names on here when it comes to bitching so I won't, but the people who are closest to me know exactly who he is. At one point, I may have considered him but then he started TELLING me how I felt about him and after only knowing me a few months, starts telling me he loves me. So, naturally, I strayed away from that situation because I'm sorry, that's a little bit psychotic. I also found out that he goes around describing the perfect way to murder someone. I'm not touching that with a THOUSAND foot pole, thank you very much. I'm not trying to end up on the side of the road dead in the middle of some desert that no one has ever heard of. ANYWHORE, there was a point to this mindless rambling,

So, I recently started dating my boyfriend again. I say again, because we dated before.

He found out about it.

I made sure he knew

I was trying to keep him off my ass.

He starts being an asshole. A raging asshat. Professing that he knows he's hot and that he's the shit and giving me attitude about every damn little damn thing I said to him. Does he honestly think that's going to make me come to him? Why are guys so damn stupid?

Day 298: Baby Names As Per Request.

A friend posted that they would like for me to post all my baby name ideas.

If I have a son, the first I would like to name Connor Landon. It's a very Irish name. My name is extremely Irish as well. I want my child to be as proud of their heritage as I am.

As far as other boys, I like:

• Noah
• Jack
• John
• Azrin
• Colin
• Kolt

For Girls, which I hope to only have one, if I do have any, I want to name my first Novalee. :)

If I have more than one girl:

• Annabelle
• Teagan
• Peyton
• Sophia
• Isabella

Day 297: Shit yourself quotes from Tracy's house!

So tonight, Drew, Tamara, Owen and I all had a gathering at Tracy's house to play Grand Theft Auto and shoot the shit and torment the cat and etc and etc. These are quotes from that night. Because there is no way that that many of us can get together and hilarity not ensue.

Tracy: *playing GTA* Here's the new rule, if you can't fit underneath my car and live, you're too fat and deserve to die.

Erin: *playing GTA and spies someone smoking a cigarette* SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH *runs them over*

Erin: *playing GTA* THE LIGHT IS GREEN GO ALREADY *rams into the back of a taxi, continues to drive through the next red light* FUCK RED LIGHTS, I'M LOOKING FOR PROSTITUTES!
Drew: And you wonder why I don't trust you to drive

I also love how in that game, there can be a pile of dead bodies on the sidewalk and people will just keep walking along like there's nothing wrong. It's ridiculous.

Day 296: Baby names.

Tonight at the casino, me and my supervisor who is preggers were talking about baby names. I have a list of them. I really just want boys but knowing that, I will probably have nothing but girls. I want to give them names that no one else will have because I want them to feel unique and cared about.

Day 295: Jerk of the night

So tonight at work, it was pretty steady but no one made me mad. I had no patience for anyone though, I usually never do. I hate when the people get to the front of a line and there is people behind them and they decide to take forever to decide what they want to order when they have had plenty of time while they were waiting in line to figure out what the hell they want. OR when they decide that they just MUST pay for half of their order in all change. Are you serious right now?

Anyway, besides those regular pains in the asses, there was no one exceptionally mean until the end of my shift. His order was up for two seconds and he began freaking out on me to give it to him before it got cold and proceeded to say to his wife loudly that he doesn't understand why the casino hired "fucking retards" like me.

Day 294: MY BACK HURTS

That is all.

Day 293: EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

So I went over to my best best bester bestest bestererest besteresterest friend's house today for a bit of an early Christmas and we exchanged gifts, had macaroni and cheese and I played with her son until my hips ached. (I love that kid so much you have no fucking idea.)

I mean look at his face, he's so fucking adorable. How can you not love him???? You can't love him more than I do though. It's an intense kind of love, he's basically my world. <3 <3 <3 <3

Alright, back to christmas presents, much to the dismay of my parents, my best friend did not only buy me just the dinosaur pillow pet that you saw in the first picture....

Did NOT only buy me TWO pillow pets..

BUT THREE NEW PILLOW PETS.

I may or may not have shit my pants.

Day 292: Where do you discover new music?

I don't know whether or not I've blogged about this before and I'm way too lazy to go and look through all nearly THREE HUNDRED blogs to find it if I did, but I get asked how on earth it's possible for me to be into all the artists that I am and where I found them. Honestly, it's really weird, I find my new music through either commercials on tv or I do this thing where I look up music videos that fans make where they put a couple from a book/movie together, there's always some really cool songs in those. That's what got me into Hurts. I heard Illuminated through one of those. I also discover new music through my friends' facebooks, when they put up music videos and such.

Itunes also does this thing where it recommends songs and artists to you based off of the other songs that you have bought, I find some new artists through there.

Also, youtube Chester See, Andrew Garcia, JR Aquino, Sam Tsui, Meekakitty, Tyler Ward, all of them are absolutely amazing and they are up and coming artists. I love them all. Youtube is an awesome place to discover new talent.

Day 291: What will happen with my blog after a year?

I was discussing this with the boo in the car today. I think I'm going to keep it going, I'm just going to turn it into an everyday thing. I don't want to stop. It's kind of like a way for me to blow off stress without having to go punt a baby. It's healthier. And I enjoy it. Somedays I have nothing to say but other days if I didn't have this blog, I might have broken something. If you have read some of said blogs, you'd know why. In fact it's probably still surprising that I didn't throw my laptop while typing some of those. I tend to bottle my emotions until they burst and EMOTION GETS ON EVERYTHING. And that shit takes FOREVER to get off of the walls. Having this blog has helped me deal with some of the shit I've had to go through this past year and I'm sure it will continue to help me in the future. Also, some people keep up with going on's in life by reading my blog. So I shall continue to keep this until I can no longer type. Until then, you can always expect to see a blog from me. They might not always be pretty, they may not always be long, they may not always have something interesting to say, but there will be a blog. :)

Day 290: What "offends" you

I love when people make covers of other people's music and they cut out not only swearing but other weird things in the song that they considered offensive. Some of it can be as stupid as the word "drug" or mentioning of a woman being promiscuous with another man. Seriously? It's a song.

Day 289: Girls who won't let their boyfriends talk to other girls.

So, I think that women who have jealousy issues are seriously a pain in the ass. There happens to be a girl whom I may or may not work with that won't let her boyfriend talk to other girls yet she texts all the men she wants to. If you're that insecure about your relationship with him why don't you just break up? If he wanted to cheat on you, I'm sure he would have by now. You've been together forever and you're still going to try and give him rules and treat him like he's your child and not your boyfriend. Here's my relationship advice for the day; Don't make rules for your significant other. They aren't your kid, they are your boo. You need to treat them like you trust them. What is a relationship without trust? They chose to be with you for a reason, not so they could cheat on you. Let them have friends.

Day 288: Third Shift

I work the grave shift at work. I just thought I would let you know that if you are ever considering working third shift anywhere, you shouldn't. I feel like I never seen anyone or talk to anyone. I become attention starved and talk my boyfriend's damn ear off every time I see him because I never get to really truly have a conversation with anyone. The majority of my customers don't want to stand there and make my day by talking to me no matter how hard I try to iniate some kind of conversation with them. They just want me to give them their food and leave them alone. :(

Day 287: "This Relationship Is Purely Based Off of Mutual Hatred For Each Other"

These happen to be quotes from Drew and I's date today. People are probably going to think we hate each other that don't know us. It's just how we are. We were always like this. He seriously makes me happier than anyone else does/did/will ever do.

Erin: I brought you a gingerbread cookie. It was made with real gingers.

Drew: I thought you were going to be a stripper? You shouldn't be afraid of poles.
Erin: I hate you so much. I can't even dance!

Drew: The first thing you turn to is a stripper or a prostitute when you're afraid you're going to lose your job. I'm not sure whether or not I should be scared.
Erin: That just tells you what high self esteem I have. The only thing I know I'm good at is taking off my clothes.

*now for this quote you have to realize that I had fiddled with the damn chair for the entirety of our ride to the restaurant and couldn't make it work*
Erin: I'm not getting in the car until you fix this chair!
Drew:*fixes it in like two seconds*
Erin: *starts to defend herself then notices something shiny under the chair* OH! LOOK A QUARTER!

Day 286: Screaming Lyrics

How do you sing when you're by yourself? Are you like me? I blast the volume as if I'm attempting to deafen my other ear and scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs and dance like I'm on every drug out there. Honestly, I've considered recording it but I'm pretty sure I would lose every friend I have and my parents would disown me and smear raw meat on me when I am asleep and allow the dog to kill me. That's how horrible it is. You'll basically want to remove the part of your brain that remembers watching it and shove it up your ass.

Day 285: Relationship News, Since it's REALLY YOUR BUSINESS

I had my relationship status hidden from everyone on facebook. I forgot to make it public again after me and Ben broke up. I had hidden it because I didn't want to deal with the drama. Everyone would automatically assume that it had ended on bad terms and either bad mouth me or him or both of us. I didn't want or need that. Neither did he. He didn't do anything wrong. We just weren't meant for each other. I did the breaking up. No tears were spilled. It just wasn't it.

So anyway, not that I give a damn about anyone's opinion but yes, I have indeed gotten back together with one of my exes. Now I started my blog WAY after he and I had broken up. His name is Drew. If you were around before that, you know him. And I don't really give a shit what the peanut gallery may have told you about him and I. If I hadn't fucked it up a year ago, we seriously would have made the perfect couple. I made a whole bunch of shitty mistakes with him and he was right in leaving me. I grew up an assload after we parted ways. I changed. For the better. We're still perfect for one another, but now I'm mature enough for a relationship. I wasn't back then.

Day 284: Things Erin Has Done Whilist Drunk

I had nothing else to blog about today. And everyone has those "One time when I was drunk off my ass, I humped a statue of George Washington stories" so I thought I would share the VERY FEW stories I have from being drunk.

I made a joke that wasn't funny. At all. And proceeded to nearly wet my pants laughing at myself and rolled off the bed.

I ate my weight in pizza. And got way too fucking excited about breadsticks.

I was avidly denying that I was drunk whilist stripping.

I flirted with a MUCH older man. I kept touching his hand and telling him he was "SO FUNNY".

Honestly, when I'm drunk it can either go one of two ways, I either revert back to being a toddler and I think EVERYTHING is hilarious. Including the color of your shirt, the bumps on the cieling and air. Or you have to repeatedly tell me to put my clothes back on and to stop stroking your arm while staring at you in what I think is a sexual gaze when it really just looks like I've licked windows all my life.

Day 283: Once A Year, I hate my life.

I always send out a ton of Christmas cards each year. And When I say a ton, I don't mean ten. I mean like.. close to one hundred. I decided to give one to every person that I work with too. Oh my god. I wish I wasn't a nice person sometimes.

Day 282: Why your relationship is failing.

I know I'd be the last person that anyone would go to for relationship advice, but a year ago, I fucked up a relationship that could have been great because I did everything wrong and it took until someone I dated treating me the same way that I treated that man for me to realize every mistake I've ever made with any of my previous boyfriends, I could point out every single point that the relationship started heading south. I used to flip shit on my boyfriends for little stupid things before they even got the opportunity to explain themselves. I used to throw a fit if they wouldn't respond to a message within twenty minutes. I used to give them no room to breathe. I used to smother them. I used to fall in love too quickly. I used to judge them. I used to let them have no friends. I used to be just perpetually mad at them for one thing for another.

I'm not like that anymore.
But it's too late now.
Everyone changes.
Everyone grows.

Day 281: The One that Got Away.

I hate this song with a passion. Mostly because it hit home.

Day 280: People You Shouldn't Cover. (Dedicated to Lyssa)

So Glee decided to do a Cover of "Sing" by My Chemical Romance. I love My Chemical Romance. One of my favorite people told me about it so I looked it up and also found that the Glee Project or whatever also did one. They were both awful. No one can do My Chemical Romance but My Chemical Romance. Just leave them alone. It's a talent only they have.

Day 279: Room by Emma Donoghue

Ok, I'm entitled to my opinions and I'd just like to say that I hated this "New York Times Best Seller" book. It's not that it was horribly written, it's just that the little boy in it that narrates the entire story did nothing but piss me off for basically the entire book.

To give you a little insight without destroying the book for you, the book is about a woman who was abducted when she was about nineteen and then kept in a shed that her kidnapper turned into a sort of apartment that was her prison. She later gets pregnant and gives birth to the narrator, Jack, right there in the shed. When the book starts out, Jack is five and he tells everything from his eyes. Now, have you ever heard a fucking five year old talk? They don't make a damn bit of sense as is. This entire fucking book is written from a five year old who's been raised in a SHED's perspective. Later on, his mother devises an escape plan and it works and they are rescued and put into a sort of mental hospital.

The reason I hated this book is because Jack never wanted to leave "Room" and hates the outside world and never respects really anything his mother says to him. He's a pain in the ass, he's clingy and he's just downright stupid.

The whole story is told from that damn child's perspective.

This is why I hated this story.

Day 278: NO CUSTOMERS WERE SHITTY TODAY!!!!

It's a miracle! There's always a shitty customer! Not today!!! I even worked with my favorite people. I never get to work with Lauren, but when we do work together, we're crazy. I love her. SO MUCH. It's more an experience, I can't just tell you how we are, because it's more something you have to be there and witness, but trust me, once you've seen it your life will never ever be the same again.

Day 277: If I ever become a dark lord...

I never want to go back to work after I've had off of work for more than two days. It kills me. It feels like I live there most of the time anyhow, so when I finally get away from it for awhile, it feels like I'm splitting my soul in two. So, if I ever become a dark lord, you HAVE to destroy Hollywood Casino because I've definitely made it into a Horcrux. When you do so, please do it with precision. You don't want a single thing inside that place still standing you know.

Ohhhh I'm so funny.

Day 276: Wrapping Paper and ribbon

So if you're anything like me you blow at wrapping presents. I usually just shove everything into a gift bag and then stuff tissue paper in on top of it all so that I don't have to deal with it. But for Christmas time, to make it look like I really bought you more than I did, I will wrap everything individually. Now, I don't completely get the purpose of having to make a present look absolutely beautiful when you wrap it. The wrapping paper is just going to get ripped to shreds anyway, so what does it matter if just a little bit of the paper isn't perfect? I was wrapping gifts tonight out in our living room and my mom was breathing down my neck about how I wasn't wrapping everything with precision excellence. It's like seriously, dude? Who gives a shit? It's going to be wrapped for about .00000000000000003 seconds after I present it to the person. It's not like a painting. IT'S WRAPPING PAPER.

Day 275: I'll roll again. I always do.

So, I didn't mention this but I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I don't really want to say much about it. I even hid my relationship status so that no one would throw a big shit about it and pity me and blame him or whatever. It's really not that big deal and this is nowhere I haven't been before. I can be single. I've done it before. I do not need a man to complete me. Though the one that will will come along, I'm sure. You really just have to quit looking. And make them come to you. It's okay. I'm okay. He's okay. We're all okay.

Day 274: Things I am thankful for

Since today is Thanksgiving I would like to list the things that I am thankful for:

• I am thankful for the assload of friends I have. There are many that I honestly can say that I probably wouldn't be alive without. Ones that made me quit things that I shouldn't have been doing in the first place. Ones that convinced me that I was worth something. Ones that convinced me that they needed me when I felt like my life was worth nothing.
• For my family
• For the men who did the horrible things they did to me. For the failed relationships. For every person who ever called me stupid, ugly, fat, or a bitch. Because in the end, all of you made me stronger. All of you made me better.
• For a pen and paper always being close by. :)
• I am thankful for love
• For laughter
• For smiles
• For harmless flirtation from certain employees and customers at the casino. They always seemed to do this whenever I was having a shit day and made me smile.
• For Michael Crichton.
• For Pillowpets
• For the internet
• For change
• The men and women who serve our country
• Cancer Research
• Long hugs
• My stupid ass dog
• Blankets
• For everything

Day 273: Look out for tomorrow's blog.

I will list all that I am thankful for. Today I don't have much to say to you.

Day 272: EXCUSE ME? BUT HOW HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF THAT?

Tonight I worked. NO FUCKING WAY DUDE RIGHT? Anyway, I was describing my mommy's turkeyday habits to a customer and he'd seriously never heard of stuffing mixed with mashed potatoes. What the fudgecake. SERIOUSLY.

Day 271: Illuminated

So I decided to pick up one of my old stories and begin writing/rewriting it again. It had six chapters completed but I hadn't got to the good shit yet. So I have exciting new and improved plans for it and Tamara has agreed to be my beta (basically, reads it before anyone else does and offers helpful critique and advice). YAY stories. I plan to have it finished by January. So keep in touch for more exciting story news.

Day 270: QUIT FUCKING TEXTING ME BEFORE THREE.

I have told people multiple times before not to fucking text me before three because I work a crazy ass schedule at the casino and I need to fucking sleep. I have to keep my volume up on my phone because it is my alarm clock. Unless I texted you relevantly close to when you decide to text me back don't text me before three. I'm a light as fuck sleeper. It seems like every fucking morning I have to politely tell someone to shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone. Unless you're dying, you're giving birth or you just realized you're pregnant, there is no fucking reason to text me before three. Whatever it is, it can fucking wait until after three if it is not classified as any of those things.

Day 269: One time, it's an accident. Two times, It's a mistake. Three times and up, it's deliberate.

So, I'm scheduled to work eleven at night til seven a.m in the morning and then I'm scheduled to come back in at three. Are you fucking kidding me? They tell me that its accidental but they have done this to me multiple times before and then when I consulted them last time I got my ass chewed out. So I guess it's just grin and bear it and deal with it. Ughh... I'm going to be so dead tomorrow.

Day 268: Would you like burnt toast with your burnt omelet, sir?

God, I hate my job.

Day 267: PA blows.

I'm sorry but I have been here for nine years and I hate it. I don't know if it's because of personal reasons or if it's just a shit place. I'm at my wits end though.

Day 266: Do you just want me to bend over so you can fuck me in the ass now?

*DISFUCKINGCLAIMER: THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE IMPARTICULAR, BUT ABOUT A BUNCH OF THINGS AT ONCE. IF YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE THIS BLOG PERSONALLY FOR SOME STUPID REASON, THEN I CHOOSE TO DELETE YOU FROM MY FRIENDS LIST/BLOCK YOU FROM MY PHONE/CUT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE. I SIMPLY NEED TO BITCH. I WILL NOT SLANDER ANYONE OR MENTION NAMES. I'M PISSED RIGHT NOW. OBVIOUSLY I CAN'T MAKE AN ENTIRELY SANE DECISION, IF I MENTIONED EVERYONE BY NAME THAT I'M PISSED AT, I COULD GET INTO A LOT OF FUCKING TROUBLE. I'M NOT A FUCKING IDIOT SO I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT. SO TAKING THIS PERSONALLY JUST MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASSHAT, SINCE I AM NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT FUCKING NOT, GOING TO MENTION ANY NAMES NOW, TOMORROW, TOMORROW'S FUCKING TOMORROW OR EVER FOR THAT FUCKING MATTER. TRUST ME, IF YOU WRONGED ME THEN YOU'LL FUCKING KNOW IT. THAT BEING FUCKING SAID, I'M GOING TO FUCKING GET BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED FUCKING BLOG *
This is seriously how I feel after tonight. Oh my god. I am sick of having to deal with adults who act like elementary school CHILDREN. Seriously? Can't you all just put your big girl/boy panties on and deal with yourselves? What the fuck, dude seriously? I'm like ONE MORE PERSON FUCKING ME OVER from packing up all my shit and leaving this state in the middle of the damn night. This is not a fucking joke, seriously, people need to start treating me better or I'm done. I'm seriously fucking done. Because I've been fucking around with making the fucking decision whether or not I want to fucking stay here or leave this god fucking forsaken state enfuckingtirely and go back to the damn place I grew up in. North Carolina. Now, I've always always ALWAYS fucking hated Pennsylvania. It's cold. It's full of asshats. And you get looked at weird for waving at people and no one respects anyone whatsoever.

*DISFUCKINGCLAIMER#2: I AM ENFUCKINGTITLED TO MY OWN FUCKING OPINION ABOUT THIS FUCKING STATE. IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH IT, THEN YOU SHOULD REREAD THE FUCKING CONSTIFUCKINGTUTION. I HAVE A RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF FUCKING SPEECH. ITS MY FUCKING OPINION. I'M FUCKING ENTITLED TO IT.*

This place harbors all of my nightmarish memories. Nothing fucking started getting shitty until after I fucking moved here. So perhaps my opinion is harsher than it needs to be. But despite my amazing friends, I hate everything about PA. I hate the weather. I hate the school system. I hate the prices. I hate it here. I always have. I love the people here, I hate the god forfuckingsaken state.

But I stay because
1.) I had no choice because I was underage and there was no way I was getting emanicipated.
2.) Once I turned eighteen, other shit was going on that kept me here, i.e a fiancee with a child in this state.

Now, I'm nineteen, and yes, I have a boyfriend here. I have friends here. And the people I love too much to leave, people I can guarantee you I can't survive without, they reside in this fucking shitbin.

But with the shit I've been putting up with for the like past fucking four months, I can't fucking do it any more. I'm sick of it. And shit needs to change. Now. Right fucking now.

Day 265: KRISPY KREME FUCKS SHALL NOT BE GIVEN

I'm seriously through with all this bullshit. I have been taking it and taking it and taking it AND FUCKING GODDAMN TAKING IT. And I'm done. I don't give a fucking fuck anymore about keeping everything calm and fine and dandy. I'm done caring about needing to keep everything on the down low. Everything is not fine. And this is not okay. This is bull shit. BULL FUCKING SHIT.

I asked off for Black friday six goddamn months ago. Six fucking months ago. It was fucking approved. I come into see what the fuck I'm working on Thanksgiving so I can tell my mother when we can leave for Black Friday. Instead, I see that I'm scheduled to work midnight to fucking eight a.m. And the person who scheduled me, CLAIMS that she didn't know why I asked off and couldn't change it now.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE ASK OFF FOR BLACK FRIDAY SIX MONTHS IN ADVANCE IF THEY WEREN'T GOING TO FUCKING SHOP? What was I supposed to be planning six months in advance? OH WHOOPIE DI FUCKING DO. I DECIDED THAT SIX MONTHS FROM NOW, I'M GOING TO SCRATCH MY ASS ALL DAMN DAY INSTEAD OF WORK.

And then when I tried to get my "best friend" to switch with me. Someone that I always defend when people talk shit about them. Someone that I can always trust to be there for me. They turn me away.

Don't you dare ask me to scratch your back if you don't want to return the fucking favor.

I'm fucking done.

Day 264: When you put up a new story and don't tell anyone about it.

And you still get reviews and favoriters? That's the best feeling ever.

Day 263: Twitter/Tumblr/Blogger, we're all working towards one goal

To build a fanbase so you don't have to fear failure when you publish

Day 262: BLACK FRIDAY ADS

So, I'm pretty pumped for black friday shopping. It's a tradition of my family. Well, atleast it's a mom, sister and I tradition. We go every year. And we are hard core shoppers. We leave at eleven p.m. We don't sleep. We stay out until five p.m the next day. Last year, my sister and I slept in the suburban whilist waiting for my mom and her friend to get out of best buy. They were in like a two hour long line to get my laptop that I got for christmas last year. But we stay out until none of us has a damn penny left to our name. My mother will even lend both of us money once we run out just so that she can stay out a little longer. SHIT GETS INTENSE.

Day 261: I really could use these next four days off.

So waaaaaaaay back in June I put off to have off this weekend because it was my ex fiancee's birthday and I had big plans to celebrate the fact that he was going to be an old man, but since we're obviously no longer dating I just have off with no plans but fuck Hollywood. I refuse to tell them I can work. I have had my fill of Hollywood for a little while.

Day 260: Veteran's Day

Today we celebrate the men and women who have served our country. The ones who have died, the ones who are still living, the ones who are still serving, the ones who have served, all of them. My boyfriend happens to be one of these people and I could never be prouder than I am of my veteran. Give thanks to our soldiers. Because they keep us safe.

Day 258: I choose to be happy even though the world will always suck

So, I love my job. It may not seem like it, but for the most part, I get excited to go to work because I get to hang out and talk to all the amazing people I work with. I have fun. There's only a few people I don't get along with and even then, that can't keep me from the casino. I have never liked my job. It's always been something that I HAD to do, not something I wanted to do or enjoyed. And really, if you are devoting five days a week, eight or more hours a day to an employer, you really ought to enjoy being there. This is the first place, where something better came along and I've actually delayed leaving and even considering trying to make two jobs work now because I really love it there.

Day 257: Got muh health insurance today

Pretty sweet. Can actually go to the damn doctor for shit now.

Day 256: A Nerd Blog

Okay, I'm sorry. But I have an obsessive love for Harry Potter. You're talking to someone who draws in quite the crowd with her fanfiction. Being a Harry Potter Lover, it's like a cult. But we all don't drink cyonide after the last movie. We all have our "houses" and we all ship who we want to ship. I don't care if you ship a noncannon couple, but there is absolutely no need to bash the hell out of the other characters. This blog was borught to you by a bunch of idiots who ship Harry with Hermione. Okay, I don't care. Ship them together. But there is no reason to bash Ron and Ginny. ESPECIALLY NOT GINNY. I don't like it when people mess with my gingers. WE GINGERS HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER. There's no need to be an ass about the other characters. Ginny more than deserved Harry and Ron loved Hermione more than he needed to. They both were amazing THANK YOU VERY GODDAMN MUCH. Just because Dan and Bonnie had no chemistry in kiss scenes is not an insult to the characters.

Day 255: I find it extremely surprising when

adults act more like five year olds than teenagers.

Day 254: When shit goes down at work

It's between you and that person. There is no need to come in and blab "your side of the story" to anyone unless its a supervisor or manager. Lying gets you no friends in the first place.

Day 253: My Christmas Traditions

I send out about a hundred cards last year. I did this because I couldn't buy a gift for all of my friends and I didn't want anyone to feel left out. This year I am going to take a christmas card photo. I'm not sure though if it's gonna be me and the boo and Dorian or is it gonna be and the kitty. I don't know yet. I have to convince Benj to take the picture with me. I told him he didn't have to wear a stupid Christmas sweater hoping that would convince him.

Day 252: Christmas Cards, Creepy Movies, Bella's a stupid bitch.

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity Three with my little sister. Most of the movie is just waiting for shit to happen so it's definitely not worth it. I'm not even sure what the fuck happened in the end. It was just creepy. 'nuff said mother fucker.

Also, I got into a heated debate about how J.K Rowling is a much better author than Stephanie Meyer and I can't stand people who say that Twilight trumps Harry Potter. That is not true. At all. For one, Stephanie Meyer, though I enjoyed the Twilight series, was an extremely fucked up individual. HAVE YOU READ BREAKING DAWN? I about threw up during certain scenes of the book. And who is the master of suspense really? In Twilight they basically facefuck and are "head over heels in love" within the first two fucking chapters of the book. In Harry Potter, it took SEVEN GODDAMN BOOKS for Hermione and Ron to kiss. I was so goddamn happy for it to that I pissed everywhere. My bed, the floor, the walls, the cieling. EVERYWHERE. And I just don't even understand Bella, she could have been with Jacob who is warm, HOT AS FUCK, doesn't want to eat her at all times and could bang her without having to worry about killing her, and she chooses Edward, who's pale. Has no abs. Glitters like a goddamn fairy princess. And who's dick is like concrete. I'm pretty sure that's going to feel GREAT in your vagina. Dumb bitch.

If I were her, I would have fucked the hell out of Jacob. And had four million babies with him. I may have still gone back and saved Edward just because I don't want that weight on my mind that it was my fault he died. But afterwards, I would have told him to fuck off and purposely made out with Jacob in front of him. With my middle finger HIGH IN THE AIR. LIKE A BEAST.

Day 251: Erin Erin Erin Erin Erin Erin Erin Erin... SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SLEEP

I hate people.

Day 250: Confronting someone when you're confused

I've really grown up in the last two years. I've changed so much. It's absolutely amazing. I'm not even at all the same person I was when I was 17.

Day 249: Could shit stop happening so fast? Please? Seriously?

So finally got a call from Sheetz today. Which presses me to get a place. Which presses me to get money. Which presses me to get sick because I'm broke. Because I have groceries to buy. A fucking family to help feed. Laundry that requires liquids and shit to get cleaned. NON EXISTANT furniture. MY HEAD HURTS. I'm stressed. As fuck.

Day 248: Tamara and Cory

Today is Halloween, it also happens to be my two best friends' one year wedding anniversary. So I thought I'd write a little bit of a heartfelt post about them.

So, I met Tamara through a high school friend. I'm pretty sure it was love at first sight, though we ended up becoming much more connected through the magical powers of the internet. Now we're almost inseperable. Even when we aren't actually physically together, we're constantly texting each other or facebook raping each other. I couldn't ask for a better person to be my best friend. She's crazy. She gets all my humor. She loves me, even after I snap at her when I haven't slept enough in the past seven months. She's always there for me. I can always count on her to be by my side. She's beautiful. She's wonderful. She's fucking amazing. She's much more than just my best friend, she's my sister.

So naturally, I'd want the best for her.

I couldn't ask for anyone better for her than Cory. Cory is a gentleman. He's wonderful to her, he treats her exactly how she deserves, like a princess. He loves her so much, it'll honestly knock you back a step. Their love can be felt a mile away. Since I have met him, Cory has become much more than just my best friend's husband. He's more like a brother. A brother-in-law, I suppose. haha.

Their love is absolutely beautiful. And I just hope that someday, somehow, I can find a love like theirs. They are absolutely and completely my role models when it comes to relationships.

Tamara and Cory, I love you guys with basically every fiber of my being. I love you with all of my butt. That's a lot of love, because my ass is huuuuuuuuuge. I wish you many many many many many more years of happiness. You deserve it. :)

Day 247: "That's my goal in life now, I want to have sex on a conveyer belt in Walmart"

If you read about such a story in the paper, I did not detail exactly how I planned on doing this whilist in the car with Tamara. So, when you read such a story in the paper, it definitely isn't about me.

Day 246: You've got the talking down, just not the listening.

I really want to bitch today. Super bad. But, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am pissed. But I hold things in. So that's exactly what I'm going to do today.

By the way, this snow thing in October? It's goddamn ridiculous

Day 245: Basilisk Tooth

I bought this today. I refer to it as a basilisk tooth necklace. I also wore it to work and stabbed random things with it, proclaiming them "horcruxes". Yes, I do have a boyfriend. Yes, this does still surprise me.

Day 244: Piss Yourself Quote Blog #1

These all come from "quote books" that I had made for an ex in the past. I recorded anything that I or anyone around me said that was funny pretty much everyday until I filled an entire notebook. These also come from notebooks that my friends and I passed back and forth between classes to talk to one another. It would be wisest if you read this whilist on the toilet. That's where I will be typing it.

"The class meeting was exactly like I said it would be:

• Don't have sex
• Don't kill people
• Don't smoke weed in the bathroom
• Don't look up porn online at school
• Don't drink alcohol
• Try not to come to school naked
• Try to wear clothing that covers all of your vaginal and ass-like area
• Don't text in class
• Don't snort cocaine on school grounds, anywhere else is fine
• Be good kids. Or we'll kill you

We covered all the major topics"

"There's a creeper in the hallway, no one knows who he is and he's just standing there."

Erin: My dick is so big that I have to wrap it around my waist. Twice.

Erin: Who is she talking to?
Pumpkin: I don't know, just smile and nod.

Jenny: Erin appreciates any food you give her.
Erin: I appreciate anything you give me to put in my mouth.

Katie: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Erin: A dress point.

Erin: Ryne, Why are you so tall?
Ryne: I eat small children.

Jordan: Why were you doing math on your hand?
Erin: I was trying to figure out how much my fat ass would have to pay for all this food.

Erin: How about you do your job?
Ryne: Shut up, Frodo.

Bob: If I have to sew shut one more orifice, I'm going to scream.

Erin: *absentmindedly humping the counter whilist making sex noises*
Dylan: There's something wrong with you.
Tim: This is why we can't have nice things.

Erin: Well maybe if you had studied instead of engaging in homosexual activities last night.

Cameron: I'm hellish pumped. I'm going to scream my ass off.

Mike: A true friend joins your match, shoots you in the head, and quits.

Erin: Your energy is frightening me. And now you're trying to pull my clothes off.

Jon: I'm picking up my dick, slinging it over my shoulder and saying goodbye to her.

Erin: If she died, I'd come to her funeral just to pee on her.

"Cameron was jumping up to throw a ball at someone and got hit in the stomach. His way of venting about it was to walk as slowly as possible to the other side of the room while screaming as loudly as he could"

"When John gets excited, he screams "WHOA" for about five minutes straight. Sex with him would probably be frightening"

"Let's open on this scene: Cody is laying on the floor. Blake scampers up behind him, spikes a ball into his head and runs off giggling."

Erin: When I die, my family can invite people over and throw me in a bonfire.

*someone turns the lights on*
Random kid: TURN THEM OFF! SHE'S UGLY!

Ryan: What are you reading?
Erin: A book.
Ryan: You're impossible.

Day 243: Rainymood.com

This is officially my new favorite site. All it does is play the sound of rain in the background. That's it. But, do you know how relaxing that sound is? I have tons of cds with ocean sounds in the background of music. Also, this site, when you play another song on top of it? Enhances that song like four hundred million times. It's almost as if it knows exactly when to add a clap of thunder and etc. It's awesome. Just throwing that out there.

Day 242: I miss Dorian and Ben.

Notice how Dorian came first.

Day 241: I did it for the hugs!

True Story, bro

Day 240: THE THINGS I DO TO BRING YOU A BLOG

I watched Kindergarten Cop just to stay awake enough to type this. 
Today, I worked.
End of story.

Day 239: FUCKING CRAZY NIGHT

I was waitressing tonight up at homestretch. Basically, we sell box seats, and if you buy the box seat, then you get your very own slave (Me) for the next four hours. You can make me run all over the fucking place to get you anyfuckingthing you want. Usually, I only have to deal with the season box holders. Which by themselves is like ten people. Tonight though, we sold a shitton of boxseats. One was a bridal party of thirty damn people who wanted about a billion and a half mixed drinks. Another was a season box holder who rarely shows up who had about twenty people with himself. We also sold seven other box seats. It was crazy. Kyra and I were running all over the damn place. We made out like demons on tips though. We each got 42 dollars. Holy shit, son. That's ten dollars an hour! They then sent me home early which I was so happy for. Because I was a sweaty mess. I got to watch the newest Transformers movie with my mommy and brother. YAY.

Day 238: What do Erin's days off look like?

Seriously? You really want to know? This will probably be the most ridiculously boring blog that I've ever typed so I will attempt to occupy it with pictures so that maybe I can keep your attention.

• I wake up at like five p.m. Maybe three on a good day.
• I don't put pants on until seven. Unless necessary. Usually these pants are either pajama pants. Or they are jogging pants. I do not wear jeans on my goddamn days off unless I have to go out in public.
• I NEVER put makeup on. EVER. Not even if I'm going out shopping. No one is going to hand me twenty dollars if my eyes sparkle when I'm not at the casino. So therefore, it is not worth my time. (Only exception to this is if my boyfriend is taking me out. Then I will put forth the effort for his sake)
• I eat. Like a shit ton.

• I do some very educational reading.
• I watch really cool shows like Icarly, Victorious, Tosh.0 and reruns of Whose Line Is It Anyway.
• I pee like four thousand times because I drink half my weight in water.
• I stay up until about five a.m, writing/watching youtube videos.

That's it. That's what my days off look like. I'm boring.

Day 237: Your questions. I answer them.

Question numero uno: Will you run away with me in the night and remodel the outside of walmart with pink paint, white taffeta, and purple glitter?

Answer: Ummmm why is this even a question??!?! HELL YES.

Question number 2: What did you do with all that soda?

Answer: To explain to anyone who has no idea what this referring to (i.e EVERYONE). I was supposed to provide drinks for a family reunion at Knobels. I ended up not going to this family reunion. But I still had the assload of soda leftover. My answer? Have you seen my ass lately? I DRANK IT ALL.

Question # 3: What do you do when you have a wedgie in public?
Answer: I pick that mother fucker. I usually announce that I have a wedgie loudly and proceed to yank it out of my ass in the most unladylike of actions. Judge me all you want, but I am not walking around with chafing butt cheeks all day.

Question #4: Why is the sky blue?

Answer: To match with Hannie's pretty eyes. :)

Question #5: If you could master one skill what would it be?

Answer: Sex. I would be a master at sex.

Question #6: How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Answer: 42.

Question #7: Can you say you honestly believe in God?

Answer: Leave it to someone to pop out the religious beliefs question. Basically, I believe that there has to be someone of a higher being than ourselves out there that put us here. But, I also believe in reincarnation, ghosts, spirits, aliens, homosexuals having rights and other dimensions. I also do not believe in hell. I believe it is a scare tactic.


Question #8: How crazy can you get?

Answer: I have no choice but to assume you meant this in a sexual way. And haven't you heard ANYTHING about redheads? To be vague, I'm living proof that gingers are freaks in the bedroom. YOU CAN'T HANDLE ANY MORE INFORMATION.

Question #9: Are you happy with life?

Answer: I'm getting there.

Day 236: THE DAYS. THEY RUN TOGETHER.

So, I woke up this morning (Morning being like 3 in the afternoon for me.) and I was like 123971387% positive that it was fucking Thursday. It wasn't. Today is Wednesday. Which meant that I was supposed to be at work. The only reason I even turned up for work was because my mom told me it was Wednesday. ALL OF YESTERDAY, I FUCKING OBSESSED TO EVERYONE AT WORK that it was my "friday" and told them that I had Thursday and Friday off. NO ONE. NOT ONE OF THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH, told me that it was Tuesday, not Wednesday. Wow. Assholes. Thanks.

So I was an hour late to work today. But it wasn't a big deal. I was kind of surprised that no one called me to ask me where the hell my ass was. When I called into tell J.D he basically just told me to get my ass to work. It's okay. Shit happens. The days, they run together when you work overnight shift all the goddamn time you never know what day of the week it is. Because you come in on a fucking Thursday and leave on Friday. IT DOESN'T CLICK WITH YOUR BRAIN.

Day 235: Decisions. I hate them.

I have no decision making skills whatsoever. I'm probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I have the biggest issues making decisions about simple things. Don't throw a life decision at me. Because then I'm royally fucked. If my mom asks me if I want to go to the store with her, I'm like "No. Wait, yes. Wait, no I really don't want to put pants on. Wait, but I need the new issue of Cosmo. But, I can always get that later. But, I never really get alone time with my mom. But, she gets tired of hanging out with me anyway. But, I love her. But, if I say no, she might get upset? If I say yes though she'll probably have me change clothes so that I'm presentable to the public and then attempt to harass me into wearing make up...and blahblahblahblahittyblah etc. etc. etc." And by this point my mom already left and came back.

Seriously though, today I had a problem trying to pick whether I wanted ravioli or spaghetti o's. I get so goddamn frazzled when it comes to decisions too. I've been known to have panic attacks when faced with a particularly hard decision.

There has to be some kind of medication for this shit. Seriously.

Day 234: Shit Yourself Car Rides with Tamara and Erin Installment #4

This is yet again another installment of Shit Yourself Car rides with Tamara and Erin. Though it is quite possibly the most chockfull of quotes blog that you will ever read and after you read this, you might want to call the authorities, DO NOT BE ALARMED, PUT DOWN THE FUCKING PHONE AND PUT SOME DAMN PANTS ON. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

We'll start out with the quote that started it all.

Erin: I hate beer, it tastes like asshole.
Tamara: It tastes like infected asshole. Like syphilis asshole.

Cory: For once your overreactive bladder came in handy.

Erin: Owen, quit looking at in me in that tone of voice.

Erin: Someday I am going to walk into a hospital screaming "I'M PREGNANT! SHE TOUCHED MY KNEE WITHOUT PROTECTION! I NEED AN ABORTION! STAT!"

*driving by manure road*
Erin: THAT WAS NOT ME!
Tamara: I think that's pig shit.
Erin: Trust me, if that was me, I would totally take responsibility. I'd be like "GUYS, I TOTALLY FARTED! In fact, I think I shit my pants."

Tamara: Cory says that Owen wants booby.
Erin: Did you leave some titty juice at home?
Tamara: He won't drink it.
Erin: Tell Cory to let Owen suck on his booby until you get home.

later on that same quote was used again, only I butchered it which also means that another quote ensued.
Erin: Tell Owen to let Cory suck his booby... I mean... Oh my god.
Tamara: CORY DON'T SUCK THE CHILD'S BOOBY!

Tamara: Look, I told you there were half pound reese's cups.
Erin: *loudly* HOLY SHIT.

Erin: Can I come sleep in your bed tonight? We can have a threesome.
Tamara: I don't share well.
Erin: Can you and me just have sex then and Cory can watch? IF HE TELLS YOU HE'S NOT INTO THAT, he is LYING. He totally fantasizes about you with another woman.

Erin: This stuff tastes like shit.
Tamara: Aren't you proud of your purchase?
Erin: No, it tastes like SYPHILLIS ASSHOLE.

Erin: Someone is going to call the guys in the white chair... the white hospital.. the white the white.
Tamara: The white house?!
Erin: The white coats. YES THE WHITE HOUSE. They are going to call Barack Obama and tell them that there are two insane women running around talking about syphillis asshole.

Erin: *itching leg frantically* My leg itches. It's herpes. Herpes of the leg.
Tamara: I got bitten by a herpes bug too!
Erin: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THEM HERPES BUGS.

Erin: He said "creame crumpets". Who the fuck spells cream like that?
Tamara: European people
Erin: I'm telling him to stop being so proper. I can't handle it.

Erin: Did you shit on the table? I heard it's pretty common to shit yourself whilist giving birth. They just clean it up and don't tell you about it.
Tamara: No. And I would have known too. I am very sensitive to my body.
Erin: You have a sensitive asshole?
Tamara: Yes, I have a sensitive asshole.
Erin: I'm going to tell Cory that we're discussing your sensitive asshole.
Tamara: Oh, he would know about it. "Cory, it doesn't go in there."

Tamara: *gives Owen a "Disney Princess" Playing card* It's like playboy for babies.

(I thought you should know I pissed myself three times while typing this.)

Day 233: PEE TEST

If I pass the piss test tomorrow, I GET THE JOB AT SHEETZ (which there is no reason for me not to pass the piss test). And then I can officially move. AND GET MY GODDAMN CAT.

Day 232: I hope you know that I won't hold anything back

I am so sick of working for a company that treats it's best employees like shit. The people who complain the least and just come the hell in and do their job, get the most shit thrown at them. Don't get me wrong, I love the casino. I love the people I work with. I love all the supervisors. And I actually for the most part get fucking excited when I get to work. There's only one person that I dislike. I fucking love the fucking hell out of everyone else. So for one person to singlefuckinghandedly want me to quit the place entirely? Is a feat. Of unimaginable proportions.

Day 231: Unhappy but safe as could be?

I have to find my place.
I don't care about love or pain in front of me.
I just want to be happy.

Day 230: I'm a bad influence.

According to my parents because I've had sex before I was married (which by the way, my mother did as well) and because I've gotten drunk a grand total of one time in my life. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Bitch, I haven't had alcohol since JUNE. FUCKING JUNE. I would be able to deal with your shit alot more easily if I had some goddamn Smirnoff recently.

And they are basing their judgement of me being a bad influence on what they KNOW about my sex life. Which they are under the impression that I've only had sex with Max. Ever. In my life. (let me let you in on a little secret: THAT is SO not the case) Now, granted I did wait until I was eighteen to have sex and I have always always always always had protected sex. I'm not stupid about it. Now, I'm not a whore, but I've had sex with more than one man. But I'm not worried about STDs. And if I were to become pregnant I would be able to identify the father without having to drag a list out. It's not quite that intense. I can count how many people I have banged on one hand. And I don't even need the whole hand.

The point is, I waited until I was a goddamn adult to actually make the conscious decision to let a man stick his weiner in me. No, I wasn't married. I was engaged to said man though. But I am an ADULT. I only had sex as an ADULT. How many fucking kids in my sister's high school have goddamn children before they have even graduated??? And I'm a bad influence? Okay, well then you might as well pull her out of goddamn high school because that place reeks of semen, weed and KY lubricant.

And that's another goddamn thing. I have never ever ever ever touched weed. Ever in my life. NO DRUGS. I have never taking any medications other than what was prescribed for me and I have never O.Ded for pleasure or whatever. I HAVE NEVER DONE DRUGS. Never even thought about it.

In fact, I'm probably the best goddamn person my siblings could possibly look up to. I work my ass off at a casino. I work 40+ hours a week. I pay bills. I buy groceries. I have never killed anyone despite the metric fuck ton of shit that I have been through and have to put up with every goddamn day. Yeah, I have had premarital sex. I have drank. And I ENJOYED THE FUCK OUT OF IT. But that's what goddamn adults goddamn do. You want to know what else I have done? I have gone out and gotten my own insurance. I have remained strong despite the fact that I have been raped and beaten. I have been knocked on my ass time after time after time after time and guess what? Instead of just wrapping the noose around my damn neck and giving the fuck up. You wanna know what I did? I got the hell back on the fucking horse and rode on.

I am a published author.
I am a great friend.
I have financially supported many people.
I pay for my own fucking health insurance.
Despite the fact that the world has been against it so much,
I am living.

Living is what's hard. Dying is easy.
I've never been the one to take the easy way out.

Day 229: Stand there and watch me burn

I have nothing to report. I cut coupons today so that I can afford my groceries. It was an eye opening event. I feel like I'm 34 years old. I'm having a mid life crisis. I CAN FEEL MENOPAUSE KICKING IN>

Day 228: That Which Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

Warning: This blog is probably going to be inspirational. If you can't handle that coming from overly sarcastic Erin Howie, then you should probably peace the fuck out, bro.

So, I get asked by alot of people how I made it through all the shit I've been through. People who have been through even half the shit I have tend to usually either end up killing themselves or killing the people causing them pain. When I'm asked how I did it? It's pretty simple. To go through what I went through sounds like pure torture. And it was. Every last minute of it. But that's not what matters. When Prisoners of War get tortured, do they give up the location of the rest of their platoon? No. Unless they are pussies. No, they endure it with a "you might as well kill me because I ain't telling you shit, bitch" attitude. And the fact that you won't speak, pisses them off enough to keep you alive long enough for someone to rescue you.

The fact that I've been through all the shit that I have been through is honestly what has shaped me to be the person I am today. I can take a lot of shit without breaking. I'm probably one of the most loving people you will ever meet because I've had to love people despite what I've been put through. Some people have no one else to love them. Unfortunately, this will always be my biggest downfall.

I have also learned to spot the bad in people before I risk throwing myself into another shitty situation. Which has probably saved me from alot more trouble than had I not been through what I've been through.

Also, I have developed deeper relationships with people that I choose to let all the way in. I have learned things about myself that I would have never learned had I not been through all of this. Such as this, I don't trust men very easily. I have learned that I seem to have this underlying thought that I think they pretend to be your friend until they get what they want from you and then they will up and leave like you never meant a thing at all. Now, the men who I do let in, can consider themselves lucky because I'm not one to open up.

I also, am someone anyone can come to, because whatever you may have gone through you can trust that I won't judge you, because I've probably been through a lot worse and people judged me and still do. Including my own family.

That which does not kill us can only make us stronger.

I am stronger.

I am strong.

I always have been and I always will be.

Day 227: Are you seriously asking me to take a brain test to operate a goddamn cash register?

So I've been applying for a second job and I was going to apply at Michael's Arts and Crafts store but they have a TIMED exam. And this wasn't a simple exam it was asking me for cubed roots and the circumfrence of an elephant testicle. (dramatizing) but It was some ridiculous shit. I decided that I didn't need this bullshit when it had this question where you were supposed to randomly select a letter that would best fit the world they were describing. A LETTER. WHAT THE FUCK????

Day 226: Warning: This blog may inspire orgasms. Those weak of heart should read with caution. Or a viagara. Whatever works for you.

I got to see Ben and Dorian today. I finally got to give Dorian his birthday presents and I also got to give Ben the Phillies hoodie I got him so that he no longer has an excuse to wear that horrible Steelers hoodie in my presence. (Die hard Ravens fan right here). It was a fun day. We played alot of Super Mario Wii. And it legitimately took me three hours just to get past the first world. And Kahlem, (a friend of Ben's) had to beat the final part of that world too. Though, Kahlem admitted that he and Ben had no social lives during high school and this is why they are so great at video games. Ben's a closet loser. haha.

Though, I've got to be his dream come true, or any man's for that matter. I'm a huge video game freak. And what man doesn't have wet dreams about their girlfriend wanting to sit around in her panties and one of his t shirts and kill shit on a xbox with him? (This blog has basically just turned into a porn film).  Though I do not have many of the up to date game systems myself, I leave that to the boyfriend to provide. Which trust me, on most occasions, they delivered. Ben definitely delivers. He has onlive, a wii and a 3ds. I love playing video games but I get frustrated easily. And tend to throw temper tantrums when I can not understand what the hell I'm doing wrong or what the fucking game wants me to do. A direct quote from tonight: "It keeps telling me to get a woman. I tried. I gave them all an apple. I slapped them in the face with a fish. AND I STABBED THEM. NONE OF THEM WANT TO COME WITH ME!"

Day 225: I GET BENJAMIN TIME TOMORROW

I went through some of my junk downstairs in the basement today. And I discovered that I had a shitload more dvds than I thought I did. I thought I was only missing High School Musical Three and Practical Magic but it ends up I was missing an assload of dvds and I was missing. Don't worry, I have them all now. But instead of having a movie collection of like twenty, I have about forty. That are all my own. Now, mind you my movie collection isn't very exciting. Allow me to list what I can remember off the top of my head:

• Agent Cody Banks
• All of the American Pie movies
• Without A Paddle
• A Walk to Remember
• All of the Jurrassic Park movies
• 28 Days Later
• 28 Weeks Later
• Twilight (unopened)
• Hope Floats
• Love Story (Worst thing I ever spent five dollars on)
• High School Musical Three
• Waterworld
• Dungeons and Dragons
• Becoming Jane
• Runaway Bride (both on Dvd and Vhs)
• Big Daddy
• Raise Your Voice
• Twitches
• Practical Magic
• Rush Hour 1 and 2
• Baby Geniuses

There are a bunch more but I just can't think of them off the top of my head. And I'm too damn lazy to get up and walk the twenty steps it would take to get to my room unless it's to do something EXTREMELY DAMN IMPORTANT like plugging in my laptop whose battery is dying. Because that is a life or death matter.

Day 224: My new favorite show

Raising Hope is finally on Netflix and I had watched a couple of episodes with Max when it had first came on but never got to see anymore of them. So how damn excited was I to see that it was available on Netflix for me to watch whenever I wanted? I pissed, shit, sneezed, hiccupped and had three heart attacks ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Day 223: Shit Yourself Car Rides With Tamara and Erin installment #3

or two, I have no fucking idea. So, I got off last night at midnight and Tamara and I thought that the best idea for us at the time was to go to Walmart and raid their boxes for our big moving day. Well of course this lead to hysterics. Specifically when we decided to take a two a.m McDonalds Trip.

Erin: WHAT THE FUCK IS A REACON ONION?
Tamara: they are onions that are chopped-
Erin: It's like smelly onions. YEAH DON'T PUT ANY SMELLY ONIONS ON IT.

Drive thru guy: Thank you, pull up to the first window
Erin: I LOVE YOU

*pulling up to trash can full of shit*
Erin: HOLY SHIT, HOW MUCH SHIT IS IN THERE?
Tamara: We're going to get pulled over by some cop and pass all the tests.
Erin: And they'll take us to jail anyway. I would totally be the one if there was a hot cop to be like "Hey ossifer, would you like to search my cavaties?"

Day 222: Guess who turned two today????

     

This little stinker. Happy 2nd Birthday Dorian Michael!

Day 221: BITCHING BLOG: YOU HAVE BEEN DAMN WARNED

I'm starting to seriously hate my job. There is way too much god damn drama and I'm sick of the bullshit of hiring people and then not properly training them. Also, if you are a newbie, you better get your shit straight and when someone tells you that you should probably do something you damn well better do it and not give everyone your little teeny bopper attitude.

And for the person that has been here awhile who already has two statements against you, WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR ASS NEEDS TO STOP BEING A BITCH? If I counted the drawer four times and it's still coming up over ten cents I don't give two shits how you justify it, your drawer is OFF. Get the fuck over it. You don't always have to be goddamn right. Seriously, you're like 40 years old. It is time to grow the hell up.

Also, if someone gets legitimately sick at work. BY LAW, you have to send them home. Don't give me some shit about there not being anyone to replace me. YOU can replace me. Good lord, heaven god damn forbid if you guys have to real work.

By the way, I worked 16 hours out of 24 hours a day TWICE this week for you which ILLEGAL. By LAW you have to give me twelve hours off. And since you've been treating me like shit this week, GUESS WHO'S GOING TO MANAGEMENT about this?
Yup.
Me.
That's who.

Day 220: And I have realized..

that I have sold my soul to Hollywood Casino

Day 219: I have on my pajama pants and I put on a movie to write.

I am officially in heaven.

Day 218: These Midnight shifts are going to kill me.

Because spending the entire fucking day at the casino on sunday was exactly what I wanted to goddamn do. I work from midnight to eight a.m then come back in at three and work to eleven. God, I hate my life.

Day 217: I have the weirdest boyfriend

So my boyfriend is so weird. He actually finds me most attractive in HIS hoodie that is three sizes to big for me and sweatpants than he does in a dress. He doesn't like make up. Or glitter. (by the way, I will never wear glitter on my face around Dorian ever again. He was trying to pull it off my face.) He thinks I'm gorgeous without. I don't understand him at all.

There, you be the judge. Make upless and in Ben's hoodie. Prettier than me in a dress?



Day 216: I CLEANED TODAY

I have no right to be excited about this since it means that I had to go through my shit and figure out what I was getting rid of. :( I am attempting to cut all of my stuff in half. EXCEPT SEXY PANTIES. A GIRL CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF THOSE.

I did get my drawers cleaned off. Which had like three million pounds of bullshit on it that I just kept piling and piling and piling. And my mother would never shut the hell up about it, so I cleaned it off today AND DID LAUNDRY. YAY ME.

Day 215: It's my friday which means it's BENJAMIN TIME

I really had no idea how much I missed him until I got in the car with him and he didn't quit talking the whole way back to the house. And then called me immediately after leaving to finish what he was talking to me about. He's so fucking cute. And, Dorian smacked me in his sleep. He's just like his father. Ben is amazing. I miss the hell out of him when we're apart.

Day 214: Awkward

I am now watching the season finale of the best show ever, awkward! I love it, but I really wish Jenna would just get over Matty and be with Jake. I hate when people in a show remind me of myself.

Anyhow, I had a terrible night at work. I might be losing my job because of really stupid things. Things that make it impossible for me to do anything. I don't know what the hell I am going to do. I need to move out. I need to have money to buy things. I need to have money to pay rent. I have to have money. There is nothing I can do to fight this. I have never felt more helpless in my life.

Day 213: AN UNLUCKY NUMBER

I used to have a super fear of the number thirteen. So much so that if I saw I had thirteen messages or phone calls from you I would immediately delete them all or I would call you, hang up on you and then call you again. It was some kind of ridiculousness. I have since gotten over such crazy fears. Now, I simply have raging OCD>

Day 212: Back to work tomorrow

Spent the day at home, which kind of sucked since I've spent the majority of my birthday vacation with Ben. I missed him.

Day 211: You save me

Spent the day with Boo, Dorian free. It was nice having some alone time with him, even if Dorian is freaking adorable. Just in case you didn't believe me, I've included a picture for your viewing enjoyment. Tomorrow I am going out to eat with Kate. :)

Day 210: Birthday Girl

So today was my 19th birthday. It started out with my boyfriend leaving early this morning and only remembering to say happy birthday through a text message. I then spent the rest of my morning attempting to go back to sleep but was unsuccessful. Then, the wonderful boyfriend made breakfast and fled again. I decided to do laundry. Because I'm a good girlfriend and wanted my boo to come home to a nice house. So I take Dorian to the laundromat, where he fell in love with a four year old by the name of Paige. It was quite cute the love affair they had. After I get all the laundry done? It downpours. And I walked to the laundromat. Fuck. My. Life. So, I practically sprinted back to the apartment. I threw Dorian in the tub because I had clean clothes to put on his clean body. After that, I washed dishes. I folded clothes. Made Pizza. And watched the worst show to ever be made Sid the Science Kid. You don't have to tell me how talented I am. I know, son, I know.  Then, Ben came home and he made me dinner. It was wonderful. ANDDDDD he brought me a cake home. :)
My mother also bought me a cake.
And Tamara made me a cake.
I'm going to get so damn fat.

Tamara also gave me a lovely golden bracelet which I will not be taking off because it's a pain in the ass to get on. I'm only taking it off tonight because I have decided that I want it on my left arm not my right.

I got a ton of birthday wishes. It was very sweet of everyone and very much appreciated. :)

Day 209: ONE MORE DAMN DAY

And I'll be an old fart!

Day 208: A day with Dorian.

I have been with Dorian for the past seven hours. You have no idea how happy I was when he fell asleep. He only slept for the past two minutes though. I did it by myself because Ben needed to work today and didn't want to keep him on the bus for seven hours. Which is why I watched him. And almost two year olds have a SHITLOAD OF ENERGY

Day 207: I'll be 19 in 3 days!

It's nothing spectacular. It'll just be weird telling people that I'm 19 instead of 18. When I turn twenty that's when shit's going to get real. Then I'm no longer considered a teenager.

Day 206: Shit yourself car rides with Tamara and Erin Issue 2

Erin: "The cop would be so confused. We would pass every test. We would come up completely sober, no drugs would be found in the car and we'd be able to walk a straight line. I could just see them pulling us over though. He'd look in the window at us giggling like maniacs and he'd be like 'Excuse me, but what the FUCK is so goddamn funny'"

Tamara: And I'd say "your face".

Erin: I'm pretty sure I could throw him down a flight of stairs and he'd LAUGH.

Tamara: Owen wouldn't go to sleep.
Erin: Throw him against a wall.

(pardon me while I piss all over myself, that was even funnier the second time than the first. FOR THE RECORD I DO NOT PROMOTE CHILD ABUSE AT ALL. IT WAS GODDAMN JOKE CALM THE FUCK DOWN)

Erin: I blocked her. Ever since you told me that she tried to tell Cory you and I were going to run off and become lesbian lovers.
Tamara: *touches my knee*
Erin: OH NOW YOU'RE REALLY A LESBIAN! I'm going to tell Cory's mom you touched my kneecap sexually.
Tamara: Make sure you tell her I didn't use protection!
Erin: OH SHIT. I think I might be pregnant.

Tamara: Cory had the tv on and I couldn't sleep.
Erin: Why didn't you just beat the shit out of him until he turned it off?
Tamara: Because then I would have been on an adrenaline rush.
Erin: Then beat him up again.

(I do promote husband abuse. THEY NEED A TWICE WEEKLY BEATING. It's only healthy.)

Day 205: Working until six a.m in the morning is NOT A FUN TIME

Ugh, work took forever to end today. Not only that but there was also so many new things they changed and what not. It was crazy. And it made me crazy. We no longer have little cookies we just have big honkin' ones that no one can tell macadamia nut from chocolate chip cookie. We also have a new pumpkin woopie pie and a new pumpkin brownie as a "seasonal" item. And also as a seasonal item we have this stupid fucking chocolate dipped marshmallow. ITS STUPID. No one buys the stupid thing. BECAUSE WE CHARGE THREE GODDAMN DOLLARS FOR IT!! We also changed the way everything is in the cold case which I see no point for. At all. Because now lazy fat people who don't want to take two steps back think we don't have lemon bars or tandycakes because we have them on the bottom shelves now. Everything is just so damn stupid. SO DAMN STUPID.

Day 203: Hinkelfest with the Boo!!!

So today before work I took my new boo and his son to the Hinkelfest. If you've never heard of a Hinkelfest and are wondering what the hell I'm smoking and where you can get some, "hinkel" means chicken in some stupid language. And I live pretty much right next to a chicken factory. Every year right across the street from my house, they hold the Hinkelfest where we celebrate chicken and all it's glories. It's basically a carnival, they have rides and games and music. Dorian had a blast spending all our money and playing games, of course. Ben loved the wide variety of food. Much fun was had all around.

Day 202: Socks.

Can someone explain to me how they always seem to get lost. I spend twenty dollars every two weeks on new socks because I keep losing the matches to all of them and I just have a pile of unmatched socks in my drawer. This is the reason that I am constantly wearing mismatched socks, I can never find the other one. I swear a little monster lives in my dryer and eats all of my socks. But only ONE of each pair. My goal is to find that monster and give it the heimlich until it vomits up all of my socks. >:(

Day 201: The letter

I finally got my phone to send the pictures of the letter I wrote to my supervisors about how I refuse to work with a certain person anyone. Realize, this was a Monday night, so it was very very slow, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I tried to keep it as proffesional as possible because I'm sure "I don't fucking want to work with that fucking bitch ever again or I'm going to fucking shit on everything" wouldn't have gotten me very far.

Day 200: Damn, have I really been typing that many days?

I seriously feel like I just started typing a month ago and I'm already almost done with a full year. What do I do when it's over? Do I keep typing? Do I stop? Do I change the name of the blog? I'm not really sure. I have another 165 days before I have to decide that. I'm just so suprised that's it's gone by this quick.

Day 199: He needs to put shoes on. He's going to get a disease.

So today. I slept. all fucking day. Why? Because some bitch called off at work AGAIN and I stayed until 930. It was such total bullshit that I wrote a big ass note telling my boss in the most professional way possible that I was through with this bullshit. I'm much much too calm now to bitch about it which is extremely unfortunate because I was livid when it happened, so this could have been a hilarious post.

Day 198: He sent me novels and I sent him three sentences and now we're together.

Online dating. It's scary. It's exciting. It's a thrill ride and a haunted mansion. Some people are honest, others are lying. Some are sweet. Some are creeps. Some say they want a relationship but really just want to bang you. Some say they just want to bang you but they really want a relationship. Some a jerks. Some are sweethearts. Some you'll click with. Some you won't. Some you'll click with but won't want you. Some will want you but you want click with. Either way, it's an experience that has to be experienced in order for you to get the full experience of the experience. It can't be told to you. It's all about throwing yourself out there before you meet someone so that you know ahead of time if you're really going to like this person or not. If this person is really a creeper or not. If this person is what you want in a partner. I'm so glad I made my profile. I would have never met Ben.

Day 197: "I don't want child protective services called because it looks like we keep him in the basement and throw raw beef at him every once in awhile"

This is how I described Dorian's state after we gave him three sips of a very very very weak soda and he was running around like his asshole was on fire and he fell into every single dirty thing he could find. And rubbed his face and body all over his food. So I bought him a new outfit.

My grand opening party went awesome. Although no one ordered anything from me. It's alright though, they've seen the products, now they get the opportunity to think it over and decide if they want what I have to offer them. :)

Day 196: Earth below us, drifting, falling...

This is going to be the longest day of my life. I swear. I have to work from midnight until eight a.m tomorrow morning and then I am finally having my grand opening for my business. I haven't even seen my house since I've been with Ben the past four days. So I'm a little non excited to see what state my house is in. Ben and I were safe in our little part of Palmyra. I'm seriously going to miss falling asleep with him next to me. It's a comfort I got used to. And it's pretty nice to feel secure, like nothing will ever get you. Because you have someone there.

Day 195: If you dumped koolaid all over your boyfriend's apartment...

wouldn't you expect him to kill you? Or atleast be pissed? My boyfriend? Didn't even raise his voice once.

Day 194: It seriously took us THREE HOURS to find a way to my fucking house

When we live twenty minutes apart. I only got home to get some clothes and my money because we were broker than shit and running out of food and Dauphin County just got put on a fucking boil your damn water thing so we needed clean water. We didn't even have bread. I needed desperately to get money so we didn't have to worry that we weren't going to be able to feed ourselves and the baby for the next two days. I am still living with Ben. Apparently Ben hasn't gotten sick of me yet. I don't know how the hell he does it. I'd lose my fucking mind if I had to be trapped with myself for twenty four hours a day.

Day 193: When you wake up and it's the fucking apocalpyse outside and your job still expects you to come in.

So I have temporarily moved in with my new boyfriend because I came over to his place early this morning and I wake up and the whole fucking sky is taking the biggest piss on the earth EVER. And everywhere is flooded so bad that the bus drivers can't even get the kids to their houses and my job was seriously threatening to give me points for calling off. MIND YOU IT WAS THREE FUCKING HOURS BEFOREHAND. There was a goddamn river in front of the casino. Are you SHITTING ME? Gah.

Day 192: Can someone explain to me how a toddler

can get hot dog chili all over the house when we kept it in ONE ROOM and watched him the whole time????!?!?!??!?!!??

Also, UPDATE, Ben's still amazing. And Handsome. And mine. And he hasn't gotten sick of me yet. Despite the fact that I pick on him. Then again, he won't let me live down the fact that I struggled for like five minutes with a child proof capped pill bottle but Dorian, who isn't even two yet, waltzed into the room like a boss and opens it right away.

Day 191: Shit yourself car rides with Tamara and Erin.

Some quotes from a pretty epic morning of sleep deprived barely adults on a sugar rush:
Tamara: *reading a Snapple lid* Bees have hair on their eyes.
Erin: Why THE FUCK do they have hair on their eyes?
Tamara:*chokes on drink*

Tamara: I'm going to give it to Cory when I get home but he probably won't want it right away.
Erin: This where my future husband and I would get a divorce. "Honey! I brought you a candy bar!" "Thank sweetie, but I'll eat it later!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT IT RIGHT NOW OR WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE AND I'M LEAVING THESE ASSHOLE KIDS WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU WHICH MEANS THEY ARE DAMN UGLY!"
Tamara: *pissing herself* That's so horrible. Funny. But horrible.

Erin: It was so horrible that Donna sent an email to the other supervisors basically telling them that I had had a fucking horrible night and that if Paula had any shit to spew about it that she could go suck a dick. I was thinking about how I would have worded that message had I been Donna. "It was crazy up in there. It was so crazy that I'm pretty sure Erin shit herself twice. That's how fucking crazy it was."

Erin: I mean, I come into work in the worst moods and I'm like "GODDAMNITPISSSHITFUCKCOCKASSTESTICLES..." *giant smile at fake guest* Hi! How may I help you?

Erin: I mean the grill looked like someone shit all over it. And she didn't understand why I wanted to clean it. Fat people. I swear. She didn't need a fucking hot dog. She needed to walk off the calories she gained just by looking at my hot dogs.

Tamara: what do I want to drink? Hmmm... oh-
Erin: GRAPE JUICE! HOLY SHIT!

Day 190: REALLY, BITCH??! REALLY?!?!?!

Ok, seriously, this stupid bitch has called off on me TWICE when I was working the damn overnight shift and takes forfuckingever to count down her fucking drawer when she comes because she just HAS TO turn the damn dollars the same way and CAN'T do it after I fucking leave. And makes a stock list of sixfuckingteen million things that she doesn't actualy fucking need. And she's always AT THE VERY LEAST? TEN DAMN MINUTES LATE. At the end of the day though? I never talk shit about her to ANYONE at work. I blow off steam to my boyfriend or my best friend, but NEVER anyone that it's ever going to get back to her and create a hostile work enviroment or uneccessary drama. I just bottle it the fuck up, bite the goddamn bullet and fucking go to work AND I DON'T PUNCH HER IN THE DAMN FACE when she comes in late for the 3410484179827301928309283092183120947189479384th time.

So when I fucking told this same bitch that I had a non stop goddamn line until four a.m and both my supervisor, the beverage supervisor and any number of fucking security guards could have fucking vouched for me, and I had barely any time to breathe let alone clean anything and I did my goddamn best to keep it as clean as possible.

Then I find out that your bitchface was talking shit about me to the new girl saying that I don't do my fucking job? That I don't do anything right? And then you leave a list of shit that "needs to be done" every shift TARGETED AT ME. All because I forgot to take your stupid trash out. Bitch, suck my dick. SUCK MY HUGE THROBBING HAIRY DICK. YOU ARE MAKING THIS A HOSTILE WORKPLACE, and I don't give a shit anymore. I don't get paid near enough to deal with your bullshit. So hell yeah, I'll take this shit to a manager. There are tons of fucking people who'd love your goddamn hours that apparently you feel the need to call off every other fucking weekend for anyhow. SO GET THE FUCK OUT.

SHIT. FUCK. DAMN IT. PISS.

I needed to get that out.

Day 189: WHY THE HELL IS JIMMY BUFFET SO DAMN POPULAR?!?!?!?!

IT WAS JUST A FUCKING COVER BAND!!!!! WHY WERE THERE SO MANY DAMN PEOPLE AND WHY THE FUCK DID THEY STAY UNTIL FUCKING FOUR A.M?!?!!? WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT???? THE?????? FUCK?????????? OH MY GOD.

Day 188: If we didn't jump off this cliff together, we'd never jump at all. :)

Tonight was pretty stinken awesome. I'm so glad that Ben and I click the way we do. And he doesn't think I'm a crazy person when I have a giggle fit over the fact that I ran over someone on Grand Theft Auto.

Day 187: Meet Mister Dorian :)

This little punkin is Dorian. He's almost two years old. He's the newest addition to my life. And like most men, he's more interested in his video games than taking a picture with me. He's my boyfriend's son. And he's adorable. He calls me Enen. He's probably the cutest kid in the entire world. Then again, I'm biased.